


Beauty and the Beast: Edvy 100 Themes

by MoonlitWaterSunnyRiver



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: 100 Themes Challenge, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe, Angst, Genderbending, Humor, M/M, Minor Alphonse Elric/Edward Elric, Minor Envy/Greed, Minor Envy/Lust, Sexy Times, minor Edward Elric/Roy Mustang, minor Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 48
Words: 24,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2333279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlitWaterSunnyRiver/pseuds/MoonlitWaterSunnyRiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enemies, nothing more, nothing less, but neither Ed nor Envy are known for being particularly honest with themselves. Sometimes about Ed, sometimes about Envy, sometimes about both of them, sometimes about them kissing. 100 Themes of Edvy, because we didn't have any yet. Now complete. [Originally posted on Fanfiction.net.] Chapters are unrelated for the most part, hence the proliferation of bizarre tags. Marked uptick in quality around number 10, if you're impatient.</p><p>(Drabble = theme exploration, no real plot, Oneshot = contains a beginning, middle and end and contains some form of action, Poetry = poetry.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Opposing Forces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Prose Poetry/Drabble, Ed/Envy Sexual, Ed/Envy Romantic, Brotherhood Canon

Light versus night, might versus right (or so the Elric boy claimed, and Envy never corrected him that it was _might makes right)_ , sun versus moon (Envy hated how pale he was, it was just another thing that made him different), brother versus brother (because the other homunculi were his family, there was no running away from that rather inconvenient and annoying fact) and creator versus creation. (Of course, _Edward_ hadn’t created him. But the man who had created Edward had created the man who created Envy. And so it went.)

Hate versus love. (Envy couldn’t fathom how one could give so many damns about someone other than himself. For all the times Edward had put himself in mortal danger for his brother, it hardly seemed worth it.)

The sky versus the ground (Edward reaching up forever, always for the unattainable shining prize, always straining even as his wings melted away and his feathers were lost on the breeze –

      -and Envy burying himself, deeper and deeper and deeper down so that no one could see the shame of his ugliness, his jealousy, the sin that he was cursed to be.)

Beauty and the Beast. (for all that Envy tried to be vain and to make himself beautiful with that paleness and mysteriousness, and to show off the body he’d crafted, the beast was always there, squeezed into a suit of skin that didn’t quite suit.)

Fullmetal and the Monster. North and south poles on the magnet, jerked together by forces beyond their understanding (Envy had shied away the first time Ed had touched him tenderly, terrified of being exorcised, terrified that a bolt of lightning would appear when he finally gave into the electricity.)

Opposing forces. Without them there is no movement. Without them there is no attraction. Without them, there is no change.


	2. Hate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Ableist Language, Humour, Non-Specific Canon, Drabble
> 
> (Author Note: I apologize for the ableist language in this one. Beauty and the Beast is about two and a half years old now, and my writing and my social conscience has improved immeasurably - both of which I'm hoping will be obvious as you read through. I've been crossposting old work mostly because I love sharing what I have done, but I think it's fair to put a caveat on a few of the particularly...insensitive ones.)

            “I hate you.”

            “Say it again.”

            “I hate you.”

            Envy smiled sardonically. “You almost sound like you mean it this time.”

            “ _I hate you._ ”

            “Again, with feeling.”

            Ed turned away from the sin, striding across the length of the room and away from the open window. “Why haven’t you tried to kill me yet?”

            “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” he chirped, kicking his legs back and forth and letting his heels collide with the plaster wall below the windowsill.

            “I _really_ hate you.”

            “Hate you too, O’Chibi-chan.” Envy spread his arms wide. “I hate you _thiiiiis_ much.”

            “Why?”

            “Because you’re a bratty, opinionated loser who doesn’t know when to give up, and you’re the son of an equally opinionated loser, except he gives up _too_ easily.”

            Ed raised an eyebrow at his strange visitor. “Nothing about trying to stop your evil world-domination plans, then?”

            “Oh! Right! Those! Yeah, I guess that too.”

            “…You’re kind of insane.”

            “Oh gee. How nice of you, Fullmetal.” Envy cocked his head, tendrils of hair falling farther down one shoulder. “How about you? Why do you hate me?”

            “Because you’re, uh, PSYCHOTIC?”

            Envy cackled, throwing his head back. “That’s true, that’s true! Psychotic, I like it! I like it a lot! Well, thanks for that, chibi-o-mine. Been a good visit. See ya next time!” He flipped himself over the window-sill and into the darkness below.

            “Uh, yeah, okay.” Ed paused. “Hold on a sec.” He ran to the window and yelled out. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, NEXT TIME, YOU DERANGED PALM TREE?”

            He could hear the homunculus’s crowing laughter fading into the distance.


	3. The Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Ableist Language, Ed/Envy Sexual, Non-Specific Canon, Drabble

           “Ha-ha! You think you can run from me, shrimp?” Fullmetal had made the mistake of running down a dead-end – and Envy knew this particular town like the back of his hand.

            Ed growled, clapping his hands together – but before he could touch them to anything, Envy had his wrists pinned to the wall.

            “Now, now, none of that, my naughty little alchemist.”

            “DON’T CALL ME LITTLE, YOU SCREWED-UP PSYCHOPLANT!” Ed struggled and kicked, but to no avail. “Fuck, how the hell can you be that strong when you’re the size of a twig?”

            “Practice, darling. Now, how do you want to die – quickly, slowly, or extra slowly?” Envy grinned. “See, I’m being nice. I’m giving you a choice.”

            Ed scowled. “Stop calling me weird names, it’s creepy as fuck.”

            “You don’t know how creepy, beansprout.”

            Envy expected another short rant. What he got were a pair of lips firmly wedged over his own in an amateurish and slightly misaimed, though unexpectedly passionate, kiss.

            He let his eyes slide closed as he sank into the kiss, coaxing the younger boy’s mouth open with his tongue. _Oh gods above…_

 - and suddenly he was hanging in mid-air as Ed wrenched himself from the sin’s slackened grip and darted down the alley.

            “I KNEW YOU WERE A CREEP!” yelled the alchemist, before sealing off the alley with a wall and ceiling of stone.

            Envy sank to the ground, too stunned to continue the chase as realization dawned. “You’ve made a fool of me, alchemist,” he whispered, unable to muster his usual harshness. “You’ve made a damn fool out of me, and you’re gonna regret it.”

            He never quite saw Fullmetal the same after that. It was, in fact, the dawn of a whole new stage of his obsession. 


	4. What Do You Want?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Ed/Envy Enemies, Brotherhood Canon, Suicide Attempt, Depression, Violence, Oneshot
> 
> Part 1 of 2: [with Chapter 28]

           “What do you want?”

            Envy stopped, looking discreetly around. There was nobody else in the empty train yard, unless there was somebody else lurking in the shadows.

            Somebody other than _him,_ that is.

            The blond alchemist stood in the middle of the light, head slightly bowed and hands in the pocket of his coat. The armour-freak was nowhere to be seen, which was unusual.

            “What do you want?” Edward said again, voice strained.

            There was no doubt about it. The blond was talking to him.

            Envy considered moving from his hiding spot between the carriages, but decided against it. _Maybe the kid’s having a psychotic episode…? I mean, he’s a fourteen-year-old soldier._

“I know you’re there. You’ve been following me since the main road. I don’t know who you are, but please leave me alone.”

            Okay, now his curiosity was piqued. Envy moved slightly to get a better view of the young boy, and against his better judgment, spoke his mind. “You’re out past your bedtime.”

            Ed laughed bitterly, raising his head to look at the sky. “I suppose I am, at that. What time is it, midnight?”

            “Something like that. You should go home.”

            The alchemist’s blond bangs fell backwards, revealing an ashen, tear-stained cheek. “Can’t. I burned it down.” He rubbed at his eyes with his over-long sleeve. “Stupid…”

            Envy kept himself carefully hidden. “Why’d you burn it down?”

            “Oh, lots of reasons. To hide my mistakes, and so I wouldn’t…wouldn’t have anywhere to go back to.”

            Envy snorted. “Well, that’s stupid.”

            “I didn’t ask you! Now, just…go away and leave me alone!”

            “It’s a public place, kid, you can’t –“

            “I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!” Ed’s face was bright with anger, still staring straight ahead with a strange blank look.

            Something was wrong with Edward Elric.

            “Okay, okay, I’m going.” Envy stood as still as he could, holding his breath and balancing his feet carefully on the link between the stopped train-cars.

            One thing he had to appreciate was the teenager’s resolve. He heard only a few sniffs as Ed climbed down onto the tracks and curled into a ball across them.

            _The fuck is he doing?_

Envy leant slightly over, frowning as he tried to make sense of the alchemist’s actions. The sounds of light breathing drifted up towards him, and he sat down, cocking his head in confusion.

            “You’re a strange one, chibi. Sleeping on the tracks can’t be good for your spine, and you really don’t want to damage that if you want to get any taller.” Envy chortled to himself, but kept his voice low. “Besides, the train’s coming in the morning, and it might hit you. And you’re just a silly old human, that would kill you – FUCK!” The last word was roared at three times the volume of everything else as Envy leapt down onto the tracks next to the resting blond.

            Ed’s gold eyes snapped open, staring up at him. “Who the _fuck_ are you?”

            “Up,” commanded Envy. When Ed showed no sign of following orders, Envy leant down and grabbed his hood, yanking him to his feet.

            Ed pushed him away, but the homunculus didn’t relinquish his grip, marching the teenager to the side of the tracks and ignoring the sputtered curses and names flung at him. He slammed the boy against the concrete with slightly more force than necessary.

            “What the _hell_ do you _think_ you’re _doing,_ Fullmetal?”

            “It’s none of your f-fucking business!”

            Envy rolled his eyes. He’d forgotten what brats teenagers could be. “First off.” He stuck up a white finger and jabbed it into Ed’s chest. “If you _want_ to kill yourself, there are far easier ways than getting cut into pieces by a train. Second.” He lifted a second finger and jabbed him again. “It’s my _job_ to make sure you stay in one piece. As far as who I am, then, let’s just say I’m your motherfucking guardian angel.”

            “Don’t talk shit about my mum,” said Ed weakly.

            “I’ll talk shit about whoever I want. Now go home.”

            “No.”

            Envy raised an eyebrow. “No? Did the words ‘guardian angel’ not mean a thing to you?”

            “I’m tired.”

            “Then sleep! In a bed, not on a rail!”

            Ed shook his head. “I’m tired of _everything._ I don’t want to wake up.”

            Envy groaned. _I did not sign up to be some kid’s psychologist. Oh well, I’ll do this the easy way._ “I told you,” he growled, “go to sleep.” With that, he slammed his fist into the side of the fourteen-year-old’s head, and Edward went out like a light, slumping forward and falling into Envy’s chest.

            “Ugh. If there’s one thing I hate more than kids, it’s sleeping kids.” Leaning down, Envy hefted the unconscious boy over his shoulder. He’d hit him hard enough that Ed probably wouldn’t remember a thing in the morning – which was for the better anyway.

            He had the sense of mind to take a different form before climbing the ledges of the barracks, rapping on the window that he knew belonged to the Elric brothers. A moment later, he was faced with two glowing white eyes.

            “What do you want?” came the echoing voice, sending an involuntary shiver up Envy’s spine. He pointed to his burden, and with a gasp, Al opened the window.

            “Brother!” He took Edward from him, handling him like a china doll in his empty, gauntleted hands. “He just went out for a walk –“

            Envy was gone before Al could say anything more.


	5. Broken Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Unreality, Mental Illness, Nervous Breakdown, Death, Suicidal Impulses, Self-Harm, Animals, Stream-of-Consciousness, Non-Specific Canon, Drabble, First Person POV

            The shattered mirror and pieces of broken glass, they’re laughing at me, reflecting back faces too much like mine – no matter how much I shift, they keep up with me, laughing with bared and pointed teeth –

            I’m going insane. It’s the only explanation. The laughter keeps welling up in me like a never-ending spring, bursting from my mouth in a foul, never-ending flood.

            The tears on my face burn like acid.

            I can’t stop laughing.

            I raise my hand and notice the blood trickling down, even as the cuts from breaking the mirror heal up in sparks of red lightning and I want to beg myself, _please, leave some pain, it’s the only thing keeping me grounded –_

\- because I’ve lost myself before and it’s an empty nothing of insanity, where I sink into nothing but Envy.

            What started it? That’s a very good question.

            I laugh and laugh and cry and weep, clutching and clawing at my face. Something so simple, so _wretchedly_ simple –

            A _cat_. A goddamned _cat_ on the street, and that armoured freak leaning over it and caressing it like it’s the next coming of _Jehovah,_ and his voice, so plaintive and so lost and so fucking whiny and pathetic…

            “Please, brother?”

            “You know we can’t, Al.”

            “But…it’s all alone.”

            A fucking cat and a walking talking suit of armour, nothing more than an automaton, really, and they still both have more humanity, more empathy, more sympathy, more everything than me.

            God, I’m pathetic.

            I’m pathetic I’m so fucking useless and pathetic. Some excuse for a homunculus I am.

            PATHETIC PATHETIC PATHETIC PATHETIC

            It’s a neverending scream, raised from what’s usually nothing more than an insidious whisper in the back of the cavern that’s my empty and echoing mind.

            Behind me, there’s movement, and the sluggishness of my senses in the maelstrom means that I can’t even manage to turn around before their blade ‘sniks’ neatly between my ribs. I stare blankly at the blade protruding from my chest. It’s silvery steel, with a shape I recognize.

            “Fullmetal.” The physical agony cuts through the dizziness of my breakdown like a knife, and I shed my life like a skin in a dazzle of red. It’s the center I needed. Sometimes I’ve just lived too long.

            He pulls out the blade and I hear his footsteps walking away.

            He didn’t stay to finish me off?

            He didn’t stay to fight?

            Somewhere, deep in my still-healing, still-spinning brain, I wonder if he understands that in taking one life, he saved mine. 


	6. Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: 2003 Canon, Pride!Ed, Ed/Envy Romantic (Implied), Unreality/Fugue, Drabble
> 
> [Part 1 of 3 with Chapters 27 and 64]

             Pride’s eyes were blank and empty, and it made Envy want to scream.

            “This isn’t what I wanted,” he muttered. “This…isn’t what I wanted.”

            The blond cocked his head wordlessly, expression blank.

            “You’re just a…a fake.”

            As if in acknowledgment of Envy’s harsh words, the newest of the homunculi bent his head forward, sun-coloured locks falling over his face and over his bare shoulders. He was beautiful, achingly beautiful, with a delicacy that his original form had lacked. He was thinner than Fullmetal had been, thinner and paler with the red tattoos like scars instead of the unsightly ridges from automail surgery.

            It should have been perfect.

            He should have been perfect.

            “Look at me,” commanded Envy, standing in front of his protégé with arms pressed tightly by his sides.

            Pride did so, but the fire was still not there. Envy leant down. Blank, blank as the canvas of an uninspired artist.

            He’d never known that gold could be so…dull.

            Falling to one knee, Envy placed a hand on the back of Pride’s head, then pushed their foreheads together. His eyes stung, and he closed them, opening them again after only a moment.

            Pride’s eyes were still as dumb and blank as ever.

            Really, he didn’t know why he’d thought it would work. Pride was never going to be Edward Elric, the same way Envy was never going to be William von Hohenheim.

            Those gold eyes, they were the eyes of one already dead.


	7. Alchemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Sex/Sex Scene, Ed/Envy Sexual, Ed/Envy Romantic, 2003 Canon, Drabble

            It was like alchemy when they moved together, the salt and heat of their bodies and the pale moonlight that illuminated their trysts like the glow of a circle under his fingertips. The white of the homunculus’s skin was like chalk –

            - _calcium carbonate –_

 _-_ and the markings and lines that crossed his shoulders and legs, they were ley lines and runes in blood-stain pigment. Sometimes when he let his fingers trace idle patterns onto the blank, unstained canvas of the sin’s back, he’d recognize the runes he was etching in feathery touches. Simple transmutations – water to steam, dust into stone, sand into glass. Changes of state, but not matter.

            When they arched their backs, it almost made a perfect circle, the electricity from their desperate longing sending a charge along their enmeshed bodies – together and separate all at once, conjoined at the hips, their mouths and sometimes their hands, but the rest of them was kept apart.

            And in the moments just after, when he buried his face in the tangled nest of hair splayed across the pillow, he could smell faint hints of things that didn’t belong. Ammonia. Mercury. Sulphur. They were acidic, stinging smells, bitter and sharp, but they were part of the man that he loved, a reminder that he was a creature born of chemicals.

            _NH 3 – trihydrogen nitride, azane._

_Hg – quicksilver, hydrargyrum._

_S – brimstone._

It was like alchemy when they moved together, alchemy and chemistry and electricity, all the things that made sense in the logical world and mind of Edward Elric. When he took everything about them, their relationship and reduced it to its most basic elements, it was so much easier to understand.

            He analyzed the way he loved Envy in clinical, scientific terms, because it didn’t make sense any other way.


	8. Changing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Character Death, Violence, Ed/Envy Romantic, Drabble

            “Will you show me how you shift?”

            Envy backs away. “No. I told you. I’m not doing this anymore.”

            Ed reaches out, takes his hand. “I just want to see you change. Call it a professional interest, if that makes you more comfortable.”

            “We’re enemies! We! Are! Enemies!” he shrieks.

            “I thought we left that behind long ago.”

            “You’re changing me. You changed me. Stop it.” Envy keeps jerking away from Ed’s touch, but Ed doesn’t stop, taking Envy’s hand, his arm, his shoulder, his waist, anywhere.

            “Can you be anything? Are you limited to people, animals, living things?”

            “Stop being interested. Stop it.” His voice breaks into a deepness, a growl – a man’s voice for a change.

            “We were lovers, Envy, that’s not going to change.”

            “Yeah? We are _enemies,_ and all I’ve ever wanted is your death.”

            Ed finally recoils, changing direction, the hurt plastered on his face.

            “Some things don’t change, Fullmetal.”

            “But –“

            Envy swivels around, driving his arm into his lover’s chest. With a sick look, Ed looks down at the blade that disappears into his body.

            “I…thought…you’d…changed…”

            “So did I,” whispers Envy, ignoring the coppery taste of regret where he’d bitten his tongue. “So did I.”


	9. Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: EdxWinry, 2003 Canon, Ed and Envy Enemies, Unreality, Violence, Death Mention, Pregnancy, Drabble

            It was midday over the Rizenbul market, the high sun scorching the milling crowds below with the ferocity of Mustang’s flames. Merchants hawked their goods, craftsmen and tinkers bantered and bartered their wares, and children in loose and baggy summer clothes ran in circles around the legs of the sweaty, sunburnt shoppers.

            Among the children was a redheaded, freckled boy, hardly more than six or seven. He was slightly chubby, and would have been handsome in a young, undeveloped way if he’d had a kinder expression on his face.

            He didn’t like it here. It was noisy, and smelly, and hot – but the shorty was here, and he didn’t plan to let his revenge slip away because of a little _discomfort._

But holy _shit,_ it was hot.

            Suddenly, through the milling crowds, there was a glint of gold. The chubby boy froze, struggling with his urge to grin and the fight-or-flight response that ignited inside him.

            _He was here._

Edward was taller than the last time he’d seen him – hell, he might be taller than his true form now – which, Envy reflected, was not a comforting thought. He had a glow about him as well, an air of happiness and peace that he’d never been able to reach while a dog of the military –

            And Envy suppressed a snort of derision when the cause of the blond’s happiness came into view, holding his hand. Winry Rockbell-Elric was heavily pregnant, her free hand resting on her swollen stomach.

            _Figures, figures. Fullmetal the Family Man._ Bloody glee rose in Envy’s chest, anticipation making his heartbeat quicken a little. _Maybe I can kill her and her brat while he watches,_ then _kill him. How’s that for revenge?_

The alchemist and his wife were getting closer, and a few of the kids rushed up to them. “Missus Elric, Missus Elric, when’s the baby coming?”

            Winry laughed, a tinkling, bubbly sound that made Envy cringe, then guided the tiny hands to her belly. “Pretty soon, I think. Can you feel him kicking?”

            The children concentrated, squinting hard as if their stares would induce a reaction, and then yelped almost as one entity. “I felt it! I felt it!” squealed one little girl.

            Envy was so busy watching the scenario that he forgot that he was one of the children. However, he began to sense a prickling feeling, realizing that he was being watched.

            He looked up – and made eye contact with Edward, gold eyes focused intently on _him._ There was a wariness about his face now, a slight suspicion but not enough to be overt.

* * *

             The boy wasn’t quite right – his eyes too old for his face, the curve of his mouth a little too angular.

            Edward watched him, a chill running slowly up his spine. He _knew_ every child in Rizenbul. It was a small town – a _miniscule_ town.

            So why didn’t he know this one? Was he new in town – no, nobody had moved here. Was he an orphan, an underaged railway tramp? A visitor from another town?

            That must be it. Yet, that didn’t feel right either. What out-of-town visitor would let their young boy run wild like this – even a boy with this self-assured sense about him?

            The child turned his head, wriggling with the sensation of being watched, and met Ed’s eyes with a look of defiance that sent a chord of irrational fear through his bones.

* * *

            There was something about the alchemist’s sharp gaze that was making him more uncomfortable than he should be

            Envy wasn’t used to being afraid.

            But that golden stare – it got underneath his skin. He couldn’t help but feel like it could see through his layers of disguises, past the chubby ginger to the moon-skinned androgyne, to the slavering green monster, to the small, helpless worm at his core.

            The tattoo on his thigh burned against his sweat-slicked skin, and Envy couldn’t help but believe that it was glowing, broadcasting its existence and its position and his nature to his enemy.

            His _enemy._

He thought as loudly as he could. If Edward could hear him, he wasn’t going to hear his snivelling and pointless paranoia.

            _I am going to hunt you down, and I am going to kill your wife in front of you. And I am going to kill you, Edward Elric. Mark. My. Words._

* * *

 Edward had never felt such killing intent from a young child before. It unnerved him. Completely and utterly unnerved him.

            He must be wrong. He must be reading it from someone else.

            But who, when he was locked into the gaze of the green-eyed monster –

            - _child._

            He’d called a child, an innocent boy, a monster.

            Yet it felt so absurdly correct that Edward had to wonder if his own sanity was slipping.

* * *

           _I will make your death utterly and completely painful._

* * *

          It was impossible, the thought that was niggling away at him.

* * *

            _I’ll watch and I’ll laugh as the fire in your eyes finally dies._

* * *

           He couldn’t quite shape it, couldn’t quite name it.

* * *

             _Edward Elric, I will twist you and maim you until you beg for mercy._

* * *

             But it was there, the unbelievable suspicion, the unfair accusation. 

* * *

            _And I’m not going to give it to you._

* * *

           “Honey, we’d better get going. I’m starting to flag.”

            The string snapped abruptly, and colour and focus rushed back into Ed’s vision. “Huh? What?”

            Winry laughed. “Zoning out there? Come on, let’s go.”

            There had been something important. Something important had been just about to occur to him… “That boy…” he began.

            “Which one, Ed?”

            He turned to point him out, but the redheaded terror was gone.


	10. Petrichor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Poetry, Ed/Envy Romantic, Violence Mention, Death Mention

You came in the night

A slinking and sleek shadow without a name.

 

You came in the night

searching for relief

a release from your inheritance of shame

 

You smelt of blood –

iron and copper and somebody else’s death.

You smelt of blood and tears and sweat.

 

For all your threats –

you’re nothing but an empty shell

looking for somebody to fill you up

like throwing rocks down the old well.

 

For all your bluster –

all it takes is a brush,

for skin and skin to touch

to make you flustered.

 

The first time you kissed me,

it was raining.

We were worn out and weary

Patterned with bruises

From endless battles and wars neither of us will win.

 

The first time I kissed you

It was storming

Somewhere

 

And suddenly you looked old.

 

You’re less than

And more than.

 

You’re brighter than

And darker than.

 

(I wish you didn’t hide from)

Everybody else.

 

I never expected

(though I knew it was a game)

To wake up one morning

To nothing but the smell of the dry ground after rain.


	11. Setting You Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Death, Murder, Ed/Envy Romantic, 2003 Canon, OOC, Drabble
> 
> (Author's Note: I well and truly hate this one. I may at some point come back to this and rewrite the chapters I dislike. Somebody hold me to that.)

11\. Setting you free

 

            “You _promised,_ ” hissed the teenager. “You promised you wouldn’t…wouldn’t go back to them!”

            “I have to,” replied Envy. He was strangely calm in the face of Ed’s rage. “They’re my family.”

            “But…” Ed’s hands tightened. “But so am I!”

            It was the death knell.

            Envy’s blood, which had run so warm from the alchemist’s unfamiliar tenderness the last few months, went cold at the reminder. He walked slowly to the door, refusing to turn and look at the boy he’d shared a bed with – refusing to remind himself that the boy was his half-brother – refusing to even wonder how Ed had found out.

            “I’m not abandoning you. I’m setting you free.”

* * *

             No matter how he struggled, he couldn’t dislodge the shard of bone from the center of his back. It was in that one place he couldn’t reach, and the bone locked his abilities – so distorting any of his limbs was impossible.

            Envy risked stretching his neck a little to look over the edge of the tall building, then retreated immediately. “Stupid – stupid – stupid –“

            He’d just been lucky Mustang had decided to deal with him later. _Leaving me here to stew instead._ He tried again to pull his wrists apart, but right now he only had the strength of a mortal man, and the rope was too tightly wound.

            Suddenly, he heard footsteps. “What, is the great and mighty Colonel back already?” he drawled, trying to sound as nonchalant and unbothered as he could. It was entirely possible that Mustang didn’t fully understand what the remains of William von Hohenheim did to him.

            “Envy, it’s me.” The voice was soft, almost heartbroken and lost in the winds of the high-rise.

            “Edward?” Envy wriggled and turned his head until the alchemist came into view, crimson coat blowing out behind him. “Edward!” God, he really didn’t want to do this, but he didn’t have a choice. “I’m kind of in a fix. Wanna give me a hand?” He waggled his fingers behind his back in demonstration.

            Edward walked over, his face solemn and troubled, and then knelt in front of Envy. He laid his outstretched palms on the sin’s barely-covered chest, the contrast of warm, slightly pulsating flesh and cold, rigid steel making Envy jump. Ed wasn’t wearing his gloves today.

            “It was that dumb Ponyboy,” growled Envy. “I’ll show _him_ once I get out of this. Come on, untie me already.”

            Ed began to push slightly, and Envy struggled to stay sitting upright. “Careful there, we’re something like fifty floors up.” He cocked his head. “What’s the matter with you, pipsqueak? You look like your dog just died.”

            Ed didn’t laugh or react. He kept pushing, and the homunculus was suddenly very aware of the empty space right behind him. “Ed! Stop it!”

            “No.”

            “What are you doing?”

            The Fullmetal Alchemist gave Envy one final shove, sending him skittering off the edge of the building and plummeting through the air.

            “Setting you free.”


	12. Colours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Blood, Brotherhood Canon, Suicide Mention, Death Mention, Drabble

            When Ed remembers Envy, he remembers the green of his hair – bracken-green, bush-green, jealous and spiteful and sick green, grass and leaves – the dark and the fresh.

            When Ed remembers Envy, he remembers the white of his skin – ivory-white, delicate china white, moonbeam and starlight and nightriver white. Corpse white and bone white. Mystic and murderous.

            When Ed remembers Envy, he remembers the black of his garments – midnight-black, dried-blood, dark velvet and bat-wings and grave earth.

            When Ed remembers Envy, he remembers the violet of his eyes – ever-shifting, ever-changing, ever-glinting with purple lightning and sunsets.

            He doesn’t know why.

            He lies back on the grass (green) and stares up at the dusky sky (purple). There’s still a few clouds (white) dotting the sky, wispy and wistful. His shirt (black) is drenched with sweat – it gets very hot in Rizenbul in the summer and he’s been lying under the sun for a long time, remembering. His coat (red) is tossed to the side.

            “I wish I’d known you better.”

            When Ed remembers Envy, he remembers the red of his Philosopher’s Stone – blood, rage and passion, but also roses, wine and Ishbalan eyes – but he refuses to remember how Envy was the one who destroyed it.

            “I wish I’d known you.”


	13. Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Conqueror of Shamballa, 2003 Canon, Ed/Envy Friendship, Dragon Envy, Fluff, Drabble

            The castle was freezing, but Envy didn’t feel it. There was a benefit to having scales after all – who knew?

            But it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway. The reason he’d worn such skimpy clothing in his favoured form was that he didn’t feel the cold – or the heat, or the rain.

            With an internal sigh, he coiled himself tighter, trying to figure out what to do with his time. He couldn’t exactly go hunting Hohenheim in this form, could he? He’d expected to be able to _shift_ when he got here at least!

            The door creaked open, an unexpected sound that shot through the heavy, oppressive silence of the castle like a gunshot. Envy started, tail scraping against the cobblestones, then growled, “Who dares enter my castle?”

            Hey, if the locals were dumb enough to be superstitious, he might as well play on it.

            However, the voice that answered belonged to the least superstitious person Envy knew. “Save it for the sheep. This is as much your castle as it is mine, asshole.”

            If his limited vocal cords had been capable of it, Envy would have groaned. If he hadn’t been a dragon, he would have been much angrier, but there was something about being trapped in a horrifying ugly and useless form that made simple things like revenge much less appealing. “You…aren’t dead?” he said slowly, forcing each word from his animal throat.

            Edward snorted as he strode into view. Brown didn’t suit him at all, was Envy’s first thought. It didn’t have the ridiculous vibrancy that Ed thrived on. “No, unless this place is hell.” He stopped. “Well, well. Let me guess – you can’t shift?”

            “…Fuck you.”

            A smile tugged on the corner of Ed’s mouth. “I’ve never been cussed by a dragon before. Man, you’re an ugly piece of shit right now.”

            Envy bared his teeth in a clear warning. _Nobody_ called him ugly! “I could eat you.”

            “But you won’t.”

            “Why?”

            Ed raised his prosthetic arm, an ugly, misshapen thing that had absolutely none of the automail’s grace. “Indigestion.”

            Envy snorted, laying his head down on the stone floor. Talking was becoming easier, he noticed – it appeared to be a matter of practice. “I can always spit it out.”

            The blond took a few steps forward. “You know, this is the closest I’m ever going to get to a dragon.”

            “Because they don’t exist. Fuckhead.”

            Ed ignored him, laying his flesh hand on Envy’s snout. “You’re the only one.”

            Envy had a witty rejoinder in mind, but it fled as a strange feeling crawled up through his scaly skin, winding through his alien body. It was coming, he realized, from the hand laid so innocuously on his muzzle.

            _Warmth._


	14. Trapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Slight/Implied Homophobia, Homophobic Slur, Implied Sexual Content, Ed/Envy Sexual, Mild Violence, Brotherhood Canon, Episode 25 AU, Oneshot

            “We’re trapped.”       

            Envy’s words were the death-blow to the optimism that had kept Ed walking through the crimson ocean. Slowly, he sank to the patch of dry ground that emerged from the flood, clutching the gauntlet that had been brought over with him to the Not-Gate like a talisman against the darkness.

            “J-just us? What about Ling?” he asked weakly. He eyed Envy warily, his expression a clear warning for the other man (if he could be called that) to keep his distance.

            The homunculus shrugged, adjusting himself on the post where he was seated. “I guess he dodged.”

            Ed chuckled weakly. “Freakin’ ninja.” There was sweat dripping from his forehead. “So. Eternity here, with a crossdressing homunculus.” He brought a hand to his head and dragged it slowly and wearily over his face. “What did I do to deserve this?”

            Envy snorted. “Oh, _you’re_ complaining? A week, two weeks tops, and ya get the relief of dying. I _don’t._ ” What he didn’t say was that he’d feared this since Gluttony’s birth.

            Ed didn’t respond, and the enemies suddenly left without a reason to fight sat in silence for some time, the emptiness of the endless cavern yawning out suddenly without words to fill it.

            “So…completely trapped?”

            “Yeah, I’ve already _said_ that.” Envy rolled his eyes, folding his legs over each other and managing to keep his precarious balance. He really didn’t want to have his feet stewing in that blood – he liked it when it came out of people, but blood itself didn’t have all that much appeal for him. Besides, how long had it been here? Gross.

            “No way out. At all.”

            Envy rolled his eyes, then leant purposefully forward. “ _Yes._ ” He nearly fell, but caught himself just in time.

            Edward sighed, then looked up with a wry smile. “You can come sit here if you want, before you fall into that gunk.”

            Envy made a ‘pff’ sound. “I’m not gonna fall –“ Just as he said it, he felt himself slipping – just before he hit the surface of the blood ocean, instinct kicked in, and he winged over to the patch of dry land before transforming back from the raven form.

            He glared at the guffawing alchemist. “Stop laughing at me.”

            Ed ignored him, clutching his belly as he cackled.

            “I said, stop laughing at me!” Envy felt his face twist into something ugly. He couldn’t stand being mocked. He couldn’t fucking _stand_ it.

            He strode over, reached down and grabbed Ed’s collar, hoisting the teen into the air and giving him a shake that made his teeth rattle. “Nobody fucking laughs at me, you fucking _got_ it, pipsqueak?”

            Ed’s response was to grasp Envy’s shoulder and bring their lips together in a slightly misaimed, tense and awkward kiss.

            Envy dropped him.

            “ _What.”_

            Ed jumped to his feet with what seemed to be steam issuing from his ears. “D-Don’t call me short!”

            “Hardly one of yer more inspired ones, but that’s not the point. What. The. _Hell?_ ” Belatedly, Envy realized he should really wipe his mouth, and did so with the back of his hand.

            “You said so yourself,” Ed muttered dejectedly. “We’re trapped. There’s no way out, none at all. I’ve already failed Al, and Winry, and everyone else who was waiting for me to come back.” His tightly clenched fists loosened by his sides as he bent his head in shame. “So…there’s no reason for me to…lie to myself…anymore…”

            Again came the interminable silence, but then Envy burst out incredulously, “With _me?_ ”

            A laugh ripped itself involuntarily from Ed’s throat, and he immediately stifled it, the tears springing to his eyes coming from a different source now.

            Envy crossed his thin arms over his chest. “Oy. Beansprout. I already told ya about the laughing.”

            “Sorry, sorry…I just wasn’t expecting that.” Ed composed himself, then looked up with Envy. “I thought you’d call me a faggot or something.”

            He rolled her eyes. “I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, Fullmetal. I wear a fucking miniskirt, the hell do you think?” He sat down on the ground, crossing his legs. “Except you’d kinda figured that out, hadn’t you?”

            Ed remained standing, scratching his flesh arm absentmindedly. “What do you mean?”

            “Would you have kissed Ponyboy Colonel if he’d been the one in here with you?”

            He pulled a face. “Not fucking likely."

            “What about whatisname from Xing that nearly did get stuck in here?”

            Ed’s face suddenly turned an excellent tone of pink. “Uh – ah – er – that’s – um – m-maybe?”

            Envy thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Okay, yes, I’ll give you that one, he’s pretty.”

            “You’re pretty.”

            Envy stared incredulously at Ed, whose hands flew to cover his mouth. “That,” Envy enunciatedly carefully, “was pathetic. You, in fact, are pathetic – which I suppose is a given for any human. But –“

            He reached out and gave both of Ed’s ankles a swift jerk, sending the alchemist toppling to the ground. In a graceful motion as lithe as his sinewy body, he was on top of the smaller boy, green hair hanging down and curling on the ground around Ed’s face.

            “- since you’re curious, I’m bored and I can’t think of anything better to do…” He brought his face close enough to Ed’s that he could feel the blond’s hot and nervous breath on his cheek, and his thumping heartbeat. “…I guess we can have some _fun._ ” Envy said the last word in the deepest, most seductive tone he had in his arsenal, rewarded with the most adorable expression he’d ever seen on the face below him.

            “If you’re psyching me, Envy, I swear I will whoop your ass into next Sunday.”

            Envy laughed. “You wish.” He grabbed a fistful of Ed’s downy golden hair and closed the gap between them.


	15. Rebellion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: 2003 Canon, Ed/Envy Sexual, Drabble

            “Where are you going?” asked Colonel Mustang from his desk, but Ed just shrugged.

            “Out.”

            “Out?”

            “When is it any of your business where I go?”

            Roy arched a charcoal eyebrow. “I’m your commanding officer. It’s my job.”

            “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Ed snorted, pushing open the door and walking away.

* * *

             “Where are you going?” asked Dante from her doorway, but Envy just lifted his shoulders in lieu of a proper answer.

            “Out.”

            “Out?”

            “Out.”

            Dante crossed her arms, neckline of her dress shifting slightly to reveal where the rot had begun to eat at her flesh. “Envy, I demand that you let me know where you’re going.”

            “Why?”

            “Because as your master – and your mother – I have the right to know.”

            Envy grinned toothily as she played the ‘mummy’ card, then cheerfully lifted his middle finger. “Fuck you, bitch.”

* * *

            Ed didn’t like this part of the city, but at least it was quiet. Nobody – not even squatters – risked staying in these buildings, they were so rickety and unsafe. To even take a step into their doorway was to flirt with death itself.

            He snorted as he marched into one of them and up the stairs. It wasn’t like he wasn’t doing that already.

            “Hello, Envy.”

            The homunculus lounged on the mattress he’d purloined from somewhere-or-other, tossing a pebble from one hand to the other. “Hello yourself, I thought you’d never get here.” He chucked the pebble at Ed, who caught it in his automail hand without flinching. “Now get over here so I can fuck you senseless.”

            “We _have_ to stop meeting like this –“ he said, even as he obeyed, shedding his coat without a second thought.

            “Why, so we can say ‘yes sir no sir’ all the time?” Envy chuckled throatily. “Come on, darling, what’s the harm in a bit of rebellion?”

            Ed cracked a smile. “I suppose it doesn’t hurt.”

            “And it feels good?”

            “It feels good.”

            “So,” whispered Envy, drawing Ed down into his embrace, “let’s be rebels.”


	16. Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Ed and Envy Enemies, Creepy, Drabble, Non-Specific Canon
> 
> Part 1 of 2: [with Chapter 17]

_He was coming._

The branches scratched at his cheeks with their long fingernails, leaving deep gashes, but he barely noticed. All it did was spur him to move even faster.

            “Where are you, Edo~” The voice echoed mockingly off of the twisted trunks of the forest, rattling the loose bolts in his automail and sending a chill up his spine.

            It was cold. He felt like he was running through mud, even though the rational part of his mind was still trying to tell him that he was moving at an incredible speed. Adrenaline did incredible things to an overtaxed body.

            Keep running.

            Keep moving.

            “You know you can’t get away, _chibi-chan!_ ” There! A rustling in the bushes – a brush that might have been a fluttering footstep – did that plant move?

            Edward kept running.


	17. Bare Feet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Violence, Blood, Ed and Envy Enemies, Creepy, Drabble, Non-Specific Canon
> 
> Part 2 of 2: [with Chapter 16]

 

            The thrill of the hunt was one of the few things that made Envy feel alive. With a malicious glitter in his indigo eyes, he drew the flat end of his blade across his tongue, drawing a sliver of blood which he swallowed hungrily.

            “Where are you, Edo~” he called out to the forest, jumping from branch to branch. He landed with no more weight than a feather each time, bare feet bracing against each limb and pushing up to take him to the next one.

            The pipsqueak was here somewhere – fleeing his pursuit – fleeing from _him._

Through the dark green and grey of the night-shadowed foliage, he caught a glimpse of bright yellow. “You know you can’t get away, chibi-chan!”

            There he was – panicked, glancing this way and that. His pant leg was torn off, the dull shine of metal another beacon of brightness in the dark forest. Envy’s sharp eyes zeroed in on a loose bolt at his knee, and he grinned, seeing an opportunity.

            Leaping to the ground with only the rustle of a leaves and a soft ‘thump’ as witness, he picked up a pebble and ran alongside for a moment, still unseen in his dark camouflage. With a lazy toss that still held the full strength of any grown man, he threw it at the bolt, snapping off the head.

            With a loud grind of metal-on-metal, the leg collapsed, and Edward fell to his hands and knees with a harsh, guttural cry.

            Envy walked over and placed one bare foot on Ed’s back, then pushed down, flattening him in the mud.

            “ _I win._ ”


	18. Blades

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags:....where to start.... Violence, Sexual Innuendo, Ed/Envy Sexual (implied anyway), Blood, Gore, Kink/BDSM (implied), Brotherhood Canon, Oneshot
> 
> It's hilarious because I didn't write this as a kink chapter but looking back on it it's like..... yeah this is like hard-level kink. No sex, though, just a reference to someone's hard-on and a lot of innuendo.

 

            “Goddammit, don’t you ever stay still?”

            “If I did, then you’d _stab_ me.” Envy ducked Ed’s swing with an almost bored expression, planting his hands on the ground and kicking the blond’s legs out from under him. “I don’t _like_ being stabbed,” he explained, bringing his legs back underneath him and jumping to avoid another thrust by the now-quite-irate Fullmetal Alchemist. “It hurts,” added the homunculus quite needlessly.

            “Yeah, well, when I get stabbed it fuckin’ kills me, ever think about that?” Ed scrambled to his feet, his automail blade immediately up in his defense as he tensed.

            Envy spun lazily to behind Ed’s back, then grabbed the hood of the flamel-emblazoned jacket. With a shit-eating grin plastered on his thin and pointed face, he flipped the wearer over his shoulder and slammed him into the floor with a gleeful laugh.

            “Ha-ha!” He quickly jumped on top of Ed, straddling him and pinning his hips to the floor. “I got you, I got you! And weren’t _you_ easy to throw?”

            With a sickening ‘squelch’ that would have made grown men sick to their stomachs, Ed thrust his blade through Envy’s chest, pushing until his metal-jointed fist made contact with the bleeding skin.

            “You calling me a piece of drain lint, you attention-seeking loser???”

            Envy stared down at the blade and the sparks that were even now fizzing around it, then looked back up at Ed with a scowl. He tried to cross his arms, then, unable to find a way around the blade, settled for perching his hands indignantly on his hips.

            “I’d _won,_ damn you. That’s not _fair._ ”

            Ed stuck out his tongue by way of reply.

            Envy sighed. “I suppose it’s a win for you, then. I don’t _like_ this new way of fighting, it’s no fuuun…”

            “Yeah, but it means I don’t _die._ And no one’s forcing you to go along with it, you know.”

            Envy grinned toothily. “But if I don’t, you’ll stab me more.”

            “That’s true.”

            “Speaking of which, can you pull out now?” Envy tapped the automail, dislodging a few drops of blood. “I can’t heal properly _or_ leave with this in me – unless I break it off you, which I’m too lazy to do right now.”

            Ed pulled back his arm, trying to control the flush of embarrassed crimson that came from mishearing Envy’s rather…ambiguous statement.

            Envy gave a blissful sigh that could have been taken many ways as the blade slid loose of his flesh. “Ah, that’s much better. Well then,” He sprang to his feet, healing sparks sealing up the sizable hole that was dripping blood all over the carpet. “Until next time…Hagane no Chibi. And next time…” his eyes glittered in a strange mix of menace and promise, “I won’t go so easy on you.”

            He walked away with an arrogant ease that made Ed want to get up and punch him again, if his back hadn’t hurt quite so much from the full-body slam.

            With a groan, Ed let his head fall back onto the floor, and stared back up at the ceiling. With any luck, Al wouldn’t be home until –

            “BROTHER!” The clatter of dropping groceries signalled the end of Ed’s luck. He turned his head to the side, grinning crookedly at the armoured figure.

            “Hey, Al.”

            “What…what have you been DOING?”

            Ed lifted his head again and looked around – then burst into laughter. He’d forgotten just how much blood came from an otherwise mortal chest wound, and paired with his ever-tightening trousers…

            “Brother, are you alright?” Al fell to his knees by Ed with a clang, concern lacing through his echoing voice. “Seriously, what happened?”

            Ed managed to control his laughter. “I’d tell you, Al,” he said with a last chuckle, giving the solid chest-plate a light punch, “but I’m not quite sure myself.”


	19. The Passing of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Brotherhood Canon, Character Death, Self-Hate, Ed/Envy Romantic, Ed/Envy Sexual, Mental Illness, Ed/Winry, Death/Gore References, Oneshot
> 
> [I couldn't resist - made a few small wording changes. So this isn't quite the same version as found on FF ^^;]

_Envy first met Ed when he was a brash fifteen-year-old full of heart and determination, ready to reach his goal no matter how many asses he had to kick to get there._

_Envy first talked to Ed when he was a little older, a little wiser, trapped in an endless cavern that stank of blood and decay and death._

_Envy first fell for Ed when he fed him one of the last Philosopher’s Stones, salvaged from the cannibalistic soldiers that had so ravaged Central Command, allowing him to take the form that gave him some control, some strength, some power of his own destiny instead of being trapped as no more than an insect._

 

* * *

  “Why did you stop Mustang from killing me?” he’d asked.

            “Because I didn’t want to see him lose himself. And,” added the blond, squatting down to where Envy lay, still digesting the Stone with the slow metabolism of a starving man, “because I wanted you to find yourself.”

            He’d laughed at that. “The fuck does that mean? Sounds like a self-help book.”

            “It means,” he said carefully, “that I’m giving you a chance to have all the things you want, that you’re envious of.”

            “How?”

            “You’re a shapeshifter. You can blend in anywhere. And now, you don’t have anyone to obey. You’re free.”

            And then he’d left.

 

* * *

  _Envy first visited Ed five years after the Promised Day, dressed like a normal person and looking (almost) normal. The blond had been surprised to see him, but they’d chatted and caught up over tea like normal people. And – shocker, shocker, shocker – Ed was married, with a kid (and another on the way!) like a normal person!_

* * *

            “Who is this, Ed?” asked Winry with a guarded cheerfulness that made Envy wonder how many strange visitors he entertained to make his wife this suspicious.

             “Oh, this is…Envy,” Ed said nervously.

            “Envy?” Winry’s blue eyes turned on him with shock, her hand tightening on the hand of the small boy next to her.

            He decided to take it as a question, and so he’d said in a light tone, blue floral teacup in hand, “Oh, I tried to kill him numerous times a few years ago. I also planned the horrible death of everybody in the country. That’s all behind me now, though.”

            The muffled whimper from Winry, the immediate transition of her hands to the little boy’s ears and Ed’s vicious glare gave Envy a hint that maybe he’d said something wrong.

            With a sheepish chuckle, he took another sip of tea, holding the cup there long enough for his mortified look to subside.

* * *

             _Envy first kissed Ed a week after that, just before he climbed aboard the train that would eventually take him back to the town of Torsten where he’d found a little place for himself in the world._

* * *

            “So you’ve figured out the basic points of living?” asked Ed as they waited for the train.

             “Yeah, for the most part.” Envy scratched the back of his neck. “Still don’t understand girls, though.” 

            “Don’t hold your breath, that part never comes. No homicides?”

            “None…that mattered.”

            “Envy!” he scolded, and Envy held up his hands in defense.

            “Hey, hey, the fucker had a death wish anyway.”

            Ed rolled his eyes. “Homicide – not a thing normal people do.”

            It wasn’t anything the blond had said, or anything particular that made Envy act at that moment. Maybe it was the way the sun had set his hair and face alight. Or maybe he’d just done it because he could.

            Envy took a step closer to Ed, placed a hand on the back of his head and kissed him softly, exerting every bit of his willpower not to devour him the way he wanted to.

            After a moment, he stepped back. “I’m…guessing normal people don’t do that either,” he said quietly.

            “No, it’s not that…” There was a blush lit in Ed’s cheeks, but his eyes held the unspoken apology. “I’m a married man, Envy. That means something, something really important. I’m not going to be my father – I love Winry with everything I have. And –“ he gave Envy’s hand a squeeze. Envy started. He hadn’t even realized that Ed was holding it. When had that happened – when they were kissing? “I think there’s…just a little too much history.”

            Envy nodded, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “Okay, I get it. Let’s, uh, let’s keep in touch, though.”

            “Course! Who else is going to remind you not to dismember the guy ahead of you in the checkout line?”

            “Nyah. Gimme some credit.”

            “I am.” Ed grinned, trying to dispel the awkwardness.

            The train pulled in.

            And then he’d left.

* * *

              _Envy first tortured himself over Ed when he got back to Torsten, curling up in a cocoon of sheets and feeling like the small, worthless, powerful creature he really was beneath all the disguises._

* * *

              **Of course he’d never feel that way.**

**Of course.**

**You’re just a monster – you aren’t even human. You’re a construct born of a construct, a child of the Gate. You’re a murderer, a psychopath, a freak without a heart or a soul.**

**Of course he’d push you away.**

**Of course.**

**You sick fuck. Falling for him.**

**Of course it would be _him_ of all people you fall for.**

**Of course.**

* * *

              _Envy first called Ed almost a year later, when he’d managed to get past the worst of the backlash. He hadn’t realized how much he’d piled upon the younger man’s head like a crown, hadn’t realized how much he’d come to depend on Ed’s approval. So he hadn’t kept in touch like he’d promised. But now, he figured, it was safe._

* * *

             The voice over the phone was surprisingly haggard. Even Envy could hear that, under the façade of cheerfulness.

            _“Oh, hey, Envy! I hadn’t heard from you in so long I thought maybe you’d died on me after all.”_

            Envy chuckled, mostly at how badly the joke had failed. “You know I’m hard to kill.”

            _“Yeah, sure, rub it in. So how’s life over in Torsten?”_

            “It’s…life. I’m working in a butcher’s now. Lots of blood and gore, lots of chopping, minimal homicide.”

            _“The fact that you said minimal is what worries me.”_

            “Oh come on! I haven’t killed anyone really badly in ages.”

            “ _…really badly? How do you even quantify levels of deadness?”_

“By how recognizable their corpse is.”

            _“Envy, you’re all kinds of special._ ”

            “Why, thank you! Now, what about you? Last time I saw you two Winry was the size of a house.”

            _“Sarah!"_

“Who what?”

            Ed’s voice flooded with fatherly pride. “ _Her name’s Sarah and she is just so bloody gorgeous and wonderful I can’t believe it.”_

“Hey, don’t go making the big one jealous.”

            _“Maes? Naw, Maes absolutely dotes on her. They’re inseparable, just like me and Al were back in the day._ ” Before we got married. It hung there, unsaid but for how obvious it was, it might as well have been.

            “You plan on getting them into alchemy then?”

            _“Oh, I don’t know about that._ ” There was a sly slant to Ed’s voice that told Envy that he meant to do exactly that. _“Bit young yet. Maes is only three, you know.”_

            “Can I be their uncle Envy?” He’d thought it was obvious he was joking, but Ed’s silence sent a spear of sadness through his heartless chest.

            _“I, uh, I wouldn’t mind, but, uh…Winry’s not too keen on the idea of you yet.”_

“Oh. I see. You told her the truth.”

            _“No, you did! Then I had to explain your part in everything, and…yeah. To…to be honest, I don’t really blame her…”_

Envy’s heart sank into his boots as he pulled the phone away from his ear and let it click into the receiver.

 

* * *

             _Envy first got a visit from Ed five years later. He’d gotten a phone call every year on the anniversary of the Promised Day like clockwork (it was, he supposed, a twisted sort of birthday) but the visit was a surprise._

* * *

            “Why, if it isn’t my favourite palm-tree.”

            Envy looked up – and proceeded to accidentally chop off his fingers with the meat cleaver. “OW! Fuck!” The fingers crumbled to dust and he quickly hid his hand under the counter while it regenerated. “What are you doing here?”

            Ed growled playfully. “Visiting you, duh. What does it look like?”

            “I thought your wife hated me. And would it have KILLED you,” said the sin through gritted teeth as his fingers grew back, “to call ahead?!”

            “Jeez, you sound like Winry.”

            “Oh, wonderful.” Envy rolled his eyes, then checked his fingers. “Alright, I’m all back to normal. So what possessed you to come all the way out here? Not that it’s not good to see you.”

            “Eh, I felt like a trip, and the kids are old enough now that Winry doesn’t need me around 24/7.”

            “You got a hotel room?”

            Ed shrugged. “I was gonna find one once I got here.”

            Envy winced. “Yeah, good luck with that. You can stay with me – it’s small, but then again, so are you.”

            “Oy! That was underhanded! And –“ Ed strode over the counter and crossed his arms. “Also, _clearly untrue._ ”

            Envy looked up, then flicked an eyebrow upwards. “Huh. Never would have expected it. Did you start drinking your milk?”

            “Never, damn you, never! I grew without the help of that vile substance – so fucking _there._ ”

* * *

             _Envy first made love to Ed that night._

* * *

            “I love Winry,” he whispered. “That hasn’t changed. But…I…she doesn’t…” Words faltered in his throat.

            Envy smiled. “She’s not an old soldier like us.”

            “Even if we were on different sides, you – she never _fought._ She didn’t see what I did.”

            Ed looked up from his glass of wine, then leant in towards Envy. “It’s funny…even Al…even Al doesn’t get it sometimes. I don’t know why. But you…you’re too much like me. It…it scares me. But it…it makes me happy too.”

            He kissed Envy, rough lips catching on the sin’s softer ones. It started off light and feathery, but soon it became more – much more. Their wine glasses toppled onto the floor, forgotten.

            It was different, so much different than Envy could ever have imagined. When he’d first realized how much he wanted Edward Elric, the blond had been fifteen, short, feisty, young, impressionable – but now Ed was twenty-eight years old and Envy was the young one, forever eighteen. He’d never imagined the roughness of Ed’s stubbly cheeks, or that Ed would be the one to pin him down with his big, callused hands.

            That didn’t mean he enjoyed it any less.

* * *

             _Envy first had his heart broken by Ed – really, truly broken, not just bruised or rejected – roughly ten hours later._  

* * *

            “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be home soon. I love you too. Yeah, tell the kids I’ll be back tomorrow evening.” Ed ran his hands through his loose hair, apparently unaware that what he was saying was tearing Envy apart.

            The voice on the other end on the phone would have been unintelligible to regular human hearing, but Envy heard every word.

            _“I can’t believe you’re gallivanting around with a supposedly-reformed psychopath instead of being at home with your children!...Come home…Come home, Ed, please. It was bad enough when you were a teenager and never home, but you’re my husband now, how about you act like it?”_

            Ed hung up after a few minutes and turned to Envy, a tired smile on his face. “Sorry, En, I’ve gotta go. Turns out five and seven isn’t quite old enough to leave Mummy all alone.”

            Envy laughed, realizing even as he did so how hollow it sounded. “That’s…alright. I’m glad you came.”

            “Keep doing your thing, alright? I’m glad things are working out for you.”

            _Except they’re not. The only thing I’ve ever truly, honestly, desired is walking away again._

Ed stood with his hand on the doorknob, then turned back again. “Listen…Envy…about last night, I’m sorry –“

            Envy pinned Ed to the door, silencing him with a deep and passionate kiss. Ed responded – in fact, he responded so ardently that Envy thought for a moment he might not leave –

            -then, in what seemed close to panic, he broke away, wrenched open the door and disappeared.

* * *

 

            Envy left Torsten that night, jumping on the back of a train that was just leaving and leaving behind everything he’d worked on in the eleven years since the Promised Day.

            He wasn’t a ‘normal person’.

            He wasn’t even human.

            He never would be.

* * *

             _Envy next saw Ed nine years later, when his travels brought him to Rizenbul purely by chance. He hadn’t meant to come anywhere near the town again, but it had changed since he’d last been there, changed enough that he hadn’t recognized it until it was too late._

* * *

             “Woah, dude, I like, love your hair.”

            “What?” Envy turned around – and forgot to breathe.

            It couldn’t be Ed. His eyes were blue, for one, and he was too skinny – and dear lord, Ed would _never_ wear a shirt that proudly declared the wearer to be ‘Awesome Beyond Belief’…actually, no, he would. Chances were, he’d bought it for the sixteen-year-old currently standing in front of him.

            “You’re Maes, aren’t you?” asked Envy, still unsure.

            The sixteen-year-old blinked, then grinned. “Yeah, that’s me, Maes Elric. I bet you know my dad, huh?”

            _Shit._ “Uh, yeah. We…knew each other back in the day, yeah.”

            “Back in the day meaning saving Amestris from danger?”

            “Something like that.”

            Much to his horror, Maes turned on his heel and yelled through cupped hands, “Hey, Pops! Found another of your old war-buddies!”

            Even worse was the reply. “Agh, who is it now? If it’s the freaking Fuhrer here to lord it over me again…” Ed stopped dead at the sight of Envy, then – sending a shiver that was half-delight, half-misery down the homunculus’s spine – he broke into an ear-to-ear grin.

            “I haven’t seen _you_ in a dick-year! What, you finally got your butt down from Torsten? Took you long enough!”

            “Oh, I’m…” Envy rolled his shoulders awkwardly. “I haven’t lived in Torsten for a while, actually.”

            “Oh, really?” There was a hint of nervousness in Ed’s voice. “How come? And where are you living now?”

            Envy shrugged. “I travel. I like to keep moving.”

            “Oh, alright. Yeah, I know the feeling. Winry got me to settle down, though.” Ed threw his arms around Envy’s shoulder with a lackadaisical grace, not seeming to notice how Envy stiffened under him. “Tell you what, come on up to our place for dinner tonight.”

            “Won’t Winry –“ but Ed interrupted before Envy could reveal to Maes just how much the mechanic distrusted him.

            “She’s out of town right now, but Sarah’s a fantastic cook!” Ed practically dragged him up the hill, chattering away all the while and squeezing his arm hard enough that Envy couldn’t just slip away.

* * *

  _Envy first watched Ed sleep that night, curled up beside him and watching the dappled moonlight play off of the strands of silver that had started to appear in the man’s hair. Even at forty years old, he was still gorgeous beyond belief, taking the sin’s breath away. He’d tried to say no, tried to save himself from further heartbreak, but then he was falling, falling deeper_  

* * *

             “What are you doing in Dad’s bed?”

            Envy turned – and suppressed a yelp as he saw the teenage boy standing in the door, almost ghostly. Maes’s hair was shaggy, falling half in front of his face. He swept it back, closing his eyes for a split second and making Envy’s heart hiccup for a second. Maes looked _very_ much like his father.

            “Um…” Envy struggled with how to explain his weakness, _Ed’s_ weakness –

            “How can you be one of his old friends from the Promised Day? You can’t be much older than me.” Maes kept his voice low, conscious of his father’s presence in the room. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of pyjama pants that hung low on his adolescent hips.

            “I…don’t age.” Envy couldn’t help but wince a bit at the boy’s questioning look. “Come on, let’s go outside.” Envy crawled out of the bed, giving Ed one last, lingering glance.

* * *

             _Envy first admitted his feelings for Ed to another living person that night, twenty  years after he first discovered them._

* * *

             “So…you’re in love with my dad?” asked Maes slowly, picking at the grass. It was completely silent out in the fields other than their voices.

            Envy scowled. “Don’t make it sound so fucking sappy.”

            “It _is._ But, what I don’t understand is…” Maes’s voice suddenly got very quiet. “Why would he…he cheat on Mum?”

            The homunculus snorted. “Fuck if I know. It’s not like I wanted this.”

            “Why wouldn’t you?” When that question didn’t merit an answer, Maes tried a different one. “I mean – he’s going to…” He seemed to choke on it, but bravely continued. “If he’s going to leave Mum…leave us…to be with…with you?”

            Startled, Envy stared at the boy, trying to digest his words. “You think he’d ever –“ He laughed, but it faded quickly as he looked up at the sky, a strange stinging at his eyes. “Maes…why do you think I’m called Envy?”

            The sixteen-year-old was silent, although it seemed to satisfy him. Then – “Is that why you never came back?”

* * *

             _Envy last kissed Ed as the blond woke up, whispering an apology between their lips._

* * *

             “You’re a fucking bastard, you know that, Ed? You saved me, gave me a life I could only ever have dreamed of, treated me like a sentient being and gave me…gave me _hope._ And you expected me not to fall in love with you. Well, guess what. Envy the homicidal maniac loves you.”

            Envy kissed Ed one last time, gripping his hands tightly in his own. “Maes found out. And it’s tearing him apart. You have a _family,_ Ed. You have Winry. So stop trying to have me, too.”

            He tried to walk away, but Ed refused to let go, gold eyes old and imploring.

            “Don’t go…” said the man who had been an alchemist almost plaintively. “I…” He swallowed. “I love you.”

            “Bit late for that, don’t you think?”

            Envy left before Ed could say anything more.

            Maes was leaning by the doorway, skinny, gangly frame distinctive even against the light of the morning sun. “Sarah, Trisha and Will are still asleep, but I’ll tell them you had important business and stuff. They like you, even if you have stupid hair.”

            He gave Maes a thwack on the shoulder. “Shut up. You’re one to talk.”

            “…For what it’s worth…I’m glad I got to see you again. Even if I found out some things I’d, well, rather not know.”

            Envy smiled despite himself. “You’re not too bad…for being the pipsqueak’s kid.”

            He set off down the road, a thick haze settling down over everything. It was easier to operate in this kind of mist, when he didn’t have to think.

            Some capricious force made him look back.

            Ed stood ramrod straight on the balcony of the Rizenbul house, long hair spilling over his bare shoulders. He didn’t move – not a wave, or a wink, or even a slouch – but his fists were clenched, and it might have been the trick of the eyes, but Envy thought he might have been shaking.

            The haze lifted, and there was a terrible, terrible emptiness.

            He didn’t care who was watching this time. With a jolt of red lightning, he willed it and he became a wolf, fur thick and shaggy and jaws slavering, and began to run down the road.

* * *

             _Envy last saw Ed twenty-five years later._

* * *

            “Hello?”

            _“Envy?”_

            The green-haired teenager frowned. “Maes? Is that you?” It certainly didn’t _sound_ like the easy-mannered sixteen-year-old, but it had been a long time.

            “ _Yeah, it’s me. Listen, I know when you left way back when, you said you would never come back, but…”_

Envy leant back in his chair, propping his feet up on his desk (much to the horror of the Lieutenant nearby) and adjusting the photo of Ed he kept amidst the jumble. “What’s the matter, kid? Is something wrong?”

            _“We…Dad…He isn’t well.”_

“Isn’t well? What the hell does that mean? With him, that could mean anything from the common cold to the entire world falling apart at the seams.”

            _“He's getting old. He’s turning sixty-five, and his memory’s not what it used to be. He’s started forgetting things, thinking he’s young again…”_ There was a deep sigh that echoed across the line. “ _We don’t know what to do. He…forgets who we are sometimes.”_

“Why do you need me?”

            _“You’ve known him almost as long as Mum, and you’ve been there for more of it. More of the tough bits.”_

The way Maes said ‘tough bits’ sent a prickle up his spine. But he couldn’t refuse.

            “I’ll be there soon.”

* * *

             _The last time Envy saw Ed, Ed tried to kill him._

* * *

             “Where’s Al?” Ed demanded in the foghorn voice that Envy recognized from the old days. “Dammit, where is he?”

            The blade of the knife clutched in the old man’s hand quivered, edge nicking Envy’s throat. A single drop of blood escaped before the wound sealed up, flickering with light.

            “Ed, you need to sleep.” Winry gently took his shoulders and tried to pull him back.

            “Winry, stay away from him! He’s a monster – he’s one of the people behind this Philosopher’s Stone bullshit!”

            She shook her head, then stroked his silver hair. “No, no, Envy’s a friend now. The Promised Day is over. It’s all over. He’s a _friend_ now.” Slowly, she guided him back to his armchair. “Do you remember?”

            Ed blinked, then stared up at her. “I can’t find Al,” he said in a quavering voice. “Win, I can’t find him!” He buried his face in his hands and began to cry the tears of an old man.

            Envy stood rooted to the spot, frozen in shock. He turned his head to look at Maes, who bit his lip.

            “I should leave.”

            “Wait –“ Maes tried to stop him.

            “This was a bad idea – no, this was a _terrible idea_.” Envy turned savagely on Maes. He was in his early forties now, but still as lanky and overgrown as he’d been in his teenage years. “In the past, I’m his _enemy,_ ” he hissed.

            “But –“

            “I’m a _monster,_ Maes! In the past, I’m the one who was trying to kill him and his brother at every turn.” Envy’s stomach flipped unpleasantly at the reminder. “This is why I had to leave. I’m immortal. Falling in love is the universe’s little punishment. I live forever, unless somebody remembers how to kill my kind. And I get to watch…this.”

            The look of desolation of Maes’s face was more than Envy could stand. With a growl of frustration, Envy stormed out, crawling, climbing and flying through Central until he stood on top of the tallest building. There, he screamed.

* * *

              _Envy last spoke to Ed about six months later._

* * *

             The funeral was the biggest one Envy had ever been to, even in the forty-five years since he’d tried living like a human. Brigadier-General Hughes was there – Edward had been part of her life since she was very young. General Mustang and his younger brother Niels Mustang were there as well, their parents long since passed. Zheng Elric-Chang, the younger and less respectable cousin of Maes, Sarah, Trisha and Will, was there with his mother Mei Chang, and the Emperor and his bodyguard (although in disguise as they preferred).

            And behind the crowds, perched in the branches of a low-hanging tree, was Envy, blending in almost seamlessly with the dark-green foliage.

            Only after the service was done did he drop to the ground and walk over to the gravestone and the freshly turned earth.

            “I…oh bloody hell.” Envy swallowed. “I knew this day was coming. I knew no matter whether you loved me, hated me or couldn’t care less, I was gonna stand here one day and have nothing left to say. But you can know about something your whole damn life and never be prepared.”

            He dug his toe into the ground. He was dressed in his old clothes today of all days. It seemed only fitting. No military outfits today. Not for Envy.

            “You’re a damn fool, Ed, for ever letting me near you. And I’m a damn fool for letting you.

            “I’d trade places with you in an instant. Your kids might be grown up, but they still need you. And Winry still needs you.” He shrugged. “Who the hell needs me? And…I need you.”

            Suddenly there were tears running down his face.

* * *

              _Envy first cried over Ed on an overcast day in 1965._  

* * *

             The world was turning and blurring. He didn’t cry. It wasn’t something he _did._ But he was crying now.

            And now there were arms around him, circling his shoulders and a scent surrounding him. He inhaled it – the scent of grease and machinery, and faded flowers.

            Winry, hair grey and face wrinkled and tear-stained, stroked his hair. She didn’t say anything – about their years of passive enmity and distrust, or the fact that she knew exactly what had happened between this man and her husband – but she didn’t need to.

* * *

            “What’s your name?”

            “Lily!” She grinned, clapping her hands.

            “Lily? That’s a nice name.” Envy picked her up and hoisted the little girl onto his shoulders. “How about we go pick some lilies and give them to Grandma and Grandpa?”

            She nodded, banging on Envy’s head. He winced slightly, but otherwise ignored it.

            A few moments later, she laid the flowers on the twin graves – _Edward and Winry Elric._ “There we go! Did they like flowers, Envy?”

            “Yeah, they liked flowers a lot. There was one time when your grandpa made flowers to pass a test…”

            The unlikely pair – the immortal and the little girl – walked down the dirt road, bare feet padding against the ground in a heartbeat rhythm. In the distance, from the balcony of the place they both called home, a lantern flickered gently through the fog.


	20. Gravestone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: 2003 Canon, Character Death, Pre-Movie AU, Ed and Envy Enemies, Oneshot

“Here I am, chibi. Right here, in this lovely graveyard on this lovely hill in this lovely town on this luv-er-ly day. Not that you can see any of it.”

                Envy sprawled himself on the ground in front of the tombstone, leaning his head backwards stroking the letters on the stone lovingly. “I knew I’d get you under one a’ these one day. It’s a nice stone and all, too. It’s about your height...maybe taller.” Envy paused, as if to let the alchemist get a word in, then laughed. “Oh, I forgot,” he said in a voice dripping with sarcasm, “you can’t rant now, can ya? And you ain’t growing anymore. I did it, I did it, hahahahaha, I did it!”

                He laughed until he thought his skinny frame would fall apart from the shakes. “I did it…and now I ain’t got nothing else to do with my fuckin’ time. Immortality. What a fuckin’ bust. I shoulda waited until you had kids, then I could have tracked them down too.”

                A scream penetrated the haze of Envy’s half-trance, and he looked up. A pretty blonde wearing very little was backing away from him, shaking with her hands to her mouth.

                “Wh-who are you? What are you DOING?”

                Envy sat up and scratched the back of his ear. He’d developed a terrible itch there for some reason. “Hanging out.”

                “ON HIS GRAVE?”

                “Well, yeah.” He indicated the gravestone. “Man, it’s like a monument to my success. Why wouldn’t I hang out here?”

                She let out an unearthly scream, and ran. Envy noticed that she was leaking quite disgracefully. “Humans. You’re all the same. I mean,” he turned and gave the gravestone a good kick, “what are ya now, a bundle of rotting flesh? I thought human transmutation would be enough to teach you lot not ta attach so much significance to a corpse.”

                He sat on top of the thumb-shaped marker,  bracing his feet against the granite and flexing them against the inscription. “Then again, I bet she’s one of the many people who decided they were in love with ya or some shit like that. Let me tell you, that cracks me up no end. Why, you’re the most stubborn, ungrateful, distempered, single-minded, self-centred brat I’ve ever met. For some reason people call that ‘confidence’ and then since you’re so fuckin’ attractive, they’re all over you.” Envy perked up suddenly. “Actually, ya might have some bastards running around after all.” Then, he looked down, disheartened. “Except I’m not sure if ya even knew what a girl was.”

                “Who are you?” asked a new voice, and for the second time that day, Envy looked up. With the setting sun behind the new figure, Envy could almost believe that it was Edward himself, back to haunt him. Then the figure stepped forward, and Envy snorted in disappointment. He had brown hair instead of gold, although it was almost as long as Ed’s had been, and his eyes were a darker, less vibrant shade.

                “You’re Alphonse, ain’t-cha? I heard rumours that you’d gotten your body back.”

                Al nodded. “That’s me. Who are you, though?”

                “I woulda thought you’d remember me.”

                The young boy seemed to wince at that, and Envy frowned. He seemed…too young. Closer to ten than the sixteen he should have been by now.

                “I…don’t remember anything from those years.”

                “Haha! Really? So you don’t remember me?” Envy kicked his feet against the stone, gleeful at the idea of a new victim. “You don’t remember the oh-so-beautiful, oh-so-deadly Envy?”

                “No. Afraid not.”

                “Well, here’s something you should know.” Envy hopped up, perching precariously on top of Edward’s grave. “I’m the one who killed him. It made a nice squelching sound, too. And you wouldn’t believe how the girl screamed.” He heightened his voice to a squeaking imitation of Rose, waving his hands around. “Ed! Ed! Oh no, Ed! God, it was sickening.”

                He leant forward, glaring at Al. “Why,” he asked, “are you grinning like a madman?”

                “Because,” replied Al, “my brother’s not dead.”

                Something broke. Something shattered inside Envy, and he thought it might have been the stone that acted as his heart.

                “What are you talking about?” he said, a note of panic creeping into his voice. “I killed him myself, I watched him bleed out, I watched it all!”

                “That grave’s empty.”

                “Doesn’t mean a fuckin’ thing!”

                Al folded his hands in front of him, guileless eyes bright with hope. Envy was seized with a desire to gouge them out. “I know he’s alive. We’re…We’ve always been like that. I know he’s alive, and I’m going to find him.”

                “Not if I find him first,” growled Envy, his sense of purpose flooding back and filling him with rage. Rage. That was an emotion he could understand. It was better than this aimless wondering what to do next. “In fact –“ he said in a low, rumbling voice, “I think I’ll start with you!”

                He drove his bladed arm at Al, face twisting into a wild grin as the Elric boy flinched and ducked –then stopped, wicked point hovering half an inch from the boy’s freckled nose. “Ah, what’s the use.” He stood straight, letting his arm fall to his side as it transformed back to normal. “You’re your mother’s son.”

                He turned back to the gravestone, and a lump rose in his throat. He’d spent how long at this stone, chattering amiably – fuck it, to an empty grave? He wasn’t done yet.

                “I’ll see you in hell, Edward Elric. I’ll find you, just watch me, I’ll find you no matter how long it takes! It’ll be me. I’ll be the one to dig your grave.”

 


	21. Size

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Brotherhood Canon, Ed and Envy Enemies, Wormvy, Drabble

            Envy squirmed and wriggled as much as he dared in the blond boy’s grasp, cursing Fullmetal’s automail as loudly as he dared inside his mind. They were still speaking – the Ishvalan and the alchemist still persuading the Ponyboy Colonel not to kill him.

            Really, he couldn’t care less. He was being _held._ Envy hated any reminder of his true size, and the ease with which he was enclosed in Edward’s hand was about as shameful as it could get. He was just a tiny little insect, soft, unprotected and _completely_ at their mercy.

            Envy sighed, closing his large eyes for a moment, and then opening them again, pupils sliding upwards. He’d never seen Edward from this angle before – from underneath and to the side, where he could see the square set of his chin and the protrusion of his Adam’s apple. It only served to make him feel even smaller. When he was this size, even the _pipsqueak_ was a giant.

            A memory reappeared in his mind’s eye – one of Fullmetal’s infamous short rants that he’d been present for.

            The kid didn’t know the half of it.


	22. Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: NSFW, Sex Scene, Ed/Envy Sexual, Kink, Masochist Ed, Drabble, Non-Specific Canon
> 
> [Everything in this particular piece is consensual! Just....really really rough O.O]

            “Scream,” he demanded as he slammed his fist into the stomach already oozing blood onto the floor.

            “Scream,” he muttered as he pulled at the nerves of the exposed automail port.

            “Scream,” he hissed as he tugged sharply on the honey-blond hair.

            “Scream,” he commanded as he bit down on the exposed neck, but all he got was a gasp.

            “Scream,” he murmured as he pierced the rose lips with his sharp teeth.

            “Scream,” he whispered as he pinned the mismatched, bare arms to the cold concrete wall.

            “Scream for me.”


	23. Whisper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Brotherhood Canon, Ed and Envy Enemies, Reference to Genocide/Murder

          “A visitor for you, homunculus.”

            Envy didn’t bother to look up. It would be the same person as always, the thrice-damned alchemist who’d put him in here in the first place. He jangled his manacles despondently, waiting for him to arrive and start his spiel.

            Here came the mismatched footsteps – one slightly louder than the other, something Envy had figured out in the fifty or so times Edward had been down to see him since his capture. Once a day, like clockwork.

            “The Fullmetal Alchemist, dependable,” he muttered. “He must really want something from me.”

            Finally, as the shadow fell across him, he looked up with a wry smile. “I don’t suppose you’re here to set me loose,” he said conversationally.

            Edward reached up to clutch the bars, looking down at him. “You know what my deal is, Envy. If you work with us, you can get out of here.”

            He snorted. “Why would I do that?”

            “Why? Why would you want to murder thousands of innocent people? There’s no way around it – we’re the good guys.”

            “Oh, that’s rich.” Envy cocked his head and grinned, baring each and every one of his teeth. It would have been more impressive in another form, but the son of a bitch had figured out how to block his powers with these goddamn handcuffs. They were made of something too strong for him to break as well – and that was no mean feat. “ _People._ How many times in your life have you stepped on an anthill, Fullmetal?”

            The blond didn’t answer, but his surprised expression was answer enough.

            “When you demolish an anthill, you’re murdering hundreds, thousands of ants. What we’re doing is no different.” His eyes glittered violet in the darkness of the cell. “Killing ants to make way for a different kind of life.”

            Edward fell to his knees, and suddenly they were on the same level, a disconcerting feeling for the homunculus who’d gotten very used to having to look up. “How different are we, really?”

            “Worlds apart, alchemist.”

            “Are you sure? Look, I –“ Without warning, Ed reached through the bars of the cell and grabbed Envy’s hand, placing it palm-out against his own. “Look.”

            Envy, ready to attack despite knowing he could not, was suddenly taken aback, gaze centered on the hands that should not – could not – be meeting. Ed’s fingers were slightly wider and shorter than his, warmer, redder and darker. His palm had a slightly different shape to it. But it was still the same.

            Ed shifted his hand slightly, clasping Envy’s cold one tightly. “What you are doesn’t have to dictate who you are. You do have a choice. Work with us, Envy, please, and you can get a second chance.”

            “What if I don’t deserve one, hm, alchemist? Considered that yet?”

            “Everyone does.”

            Envy began to close his fingers around Ed’s hand, and then ripped it away. “Give up on me, Fullmetal,” he whispered, trying to ignore the note of pleading he heard in his own voice. “Stop trying to make me into something good.”

            Ed glared at him, eyes full of fire. “Never,” he whispered back.

            He left a few minutes later when it was clear that Envy was done talking, but not before loudly letting Envy (and the guards) know that he’d be back tomorrow.

            Envy sighed. The alchemist was getting to be tiring – although the hands thing was new. His hand was still warm, and he held it close to his chest, working through the new sensation as he did everything else.

            An ant crawled across the cell floor, and Envy raised his foot to crush it – then, changed his mind.

            Edward’s whispered word wove through his mind like a net, louder than any scream.


	24. Cruelty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Brotherhood Canon, Drabble, 100 Words, Ed and Envy Romantic

           Ed asks Envy why he is cruel. It is a curiosity, a question that niggles at his conscience when he tries to rationalize his love for a cold-blooded killer, for someone with no remorse.

 

            Envy throws another log on the fire. The sparks fly up, sputtering in the air like fireworks.

 

            “Why am I cruel?” he repeats slowly. There’s a bitterness around him like an aura, and Ed regrets his question. There are times when he forgets that his lover isn’t human, but tonight isn’t one of those times.

 

            “No one has ever given me a reason to be kind.”


	25. Equivalent Exchange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Brotherhood Canon, First Person POV, Mild Violence, Ed and Envy Enemies, Drabble

            A blow for a blow, an eye for an eye.

            We shouldn’t be so evenly matched. He’s toying with me, just like always. I should hate it.

            A swing for a miss, a threat for a jibe.

            There’s an equivalency here, a back and forth balancing act that satisfies the scientist in me. Even if people don’t think it, I’m order – even if I sleep in my clothes and kick down doors, I like an organized world, where I can keep things shelved and sorted and predictable.

            A push for a shove, a jump for a leap.

            Envy is different. He’s the incarnation of chaos – that cackle of his when he’s found me for yet another ‘game’, the tangled bird’s nest of his hair. Even his fighting style is a blend of fifty different styles, all picked up over his long life, or so I assume. He’s the one thing I’ve never been quite able to figure out.

            Order for chaos and steel for steel.

            “Tired already, pipsqueak?” he jeers, darting just out of reach.

            “Not even! And at least I know how to dress!”

            Back and forth, insult for insult, the way things (should) work.

            Finally, it’s over. Nobody wins – he just darts away into the darkness, maniacal laughter serving as a farewell and I slump onto the pavement, bruised and bleeding and breathing hard.

            Equivalent exchange.


	26. Less Than Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: One-sided Ed/Envy Romantic, Brotherhood Canon, Wormvy, Drabble

Al sometimes wondered if he really counted as human anymore. He didn’t have a proper body, after all. He didn’t have a heart, hands, flesh, a brain – all he was, was a soul.

            He tried to keep off that path – it led to dark places. But his mind needed somewhere to go during the long, lonely nights, while Ed and the world slept.

            But in this strange situation, holding the jar with the tiny, half-formed creature inside with a protectiveness fuelled by Envy’s apparent helplessness, it came back.

            “Where’s your brother?” demanded the thing that had been a homunculus in its high, quavering voice.

            “…Not here.”

            “What, he abandoned you? Haha. Thought he’d give up eventually.”

            “Sh-shut up!” Al considered dashing the jar against the wall and letting the homunculus freeze, but his better nature prevailed. “Ed doesn’t give up. Ever. On anybody.”

            “I hardly think you count!” Envy rolled his large eyes, crossing all of his tiny arms. “You’re a hunk of metal that can talk. Biiiig deal. Sooo special.”

            “I’m his _brother!”_

            “Okay, okay. But he doesn’t give up on anybody, hey?” Envy glared up at Al, his fuming almost visible. “What about people who never got a fucken’ chance?”

            Al shook his head, putting down the jar. “Don’t try it on me, Envy. I know you’ll say anything to get out of that jar.”

            “Heyy, that’s not fair. I just want a chance to do the right thing, ya know?’

            “I think you’re far too inclined towards murder.”

            Envy sighed. “Jeez, whatever. Just let me know when your brother shows up, kay?”

            Al made the motion to frown, forgetting a moment that it couldn’t be articulated on his impassive face. “Why are you so fixated on Brother?”

            “Wouldn’t you like to know,” he muttered, curling into a ball and saying nothing more.


	27. Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Abuse, Sexual Assault, Pride!Ed, 2003 Canon, First Person POV, Drabble, Unreality/Fugue, Ed/Envy Romantic (Implied) (And INCREDIBLY UNHEALTHY AND NOT ROMANTIC)
> 
> Part 2 of 3: [with Chapter 6 and Chapter 64]

            I don’t remember anything.

            It’s just blank.

            I’m just numb.

            He stands in front of me, mouth twisted in a sneer. “For fuck’s sake, say something, you useless piece of _shit!”_

I can’t remember how to speak.

            This has been going on since I was born – reborn – created. He’ll turn to look at me, and he’ll look happy for a moment.

            Happy. I remember happy. (fields of green eyes of gold hair of brown)

            Then his face falls, and he’ll do something to punish me. Slap me. Hit me. Stab me. Rape me.

            I can’t feel any of it.

            I don’t remember who he wants me to be.

            I’m just numb.


	28. Nothing But Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Ed and Envy Enemies (technically?), Brotherhood Canon, Reference to Suicide, Drabble
> 
> Part 2 of 2: [with Chapter 4]

“You, Edward Elric, are nothing but trouble,” hissed Envy.

The boy didn’t respond. Which was probably just as well, considering he was unconscious.

“If I have to rescue you from one more collapsing building, I’ll just kill you myself, you little bastard.” Envy rolled his eyes, leaping down to a balcony and leaning out over the side. The building he was referring to was now truly just a pile of rubble.

With a sigh, Envy plonked his burden down on the ground. “If Father didn’t need you, you’d be dead, like, a thousand times over. You gotta fucking death wish or something?”

Envy suddenly remembered the train tracks. At least, he reflected, at least this time he was getting the kid out of situations that could be considered ‘occupational hazards’. It was just pure dumb luck that he’d actually managed to avoid any in-depth questioning.

Thank God for the side-effects of repeated concussions.

Envy snorted, and then picked up his burden again, noticing a walking suit of armour on the ground, floors below. “Let’s find an alley for you to wake up in." 

To tell the truth, Envy didn’t mind playing the hero every now and again.

Catch him admitting that to anybody though.


	29. Nuisance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Humour, Brotherhood Canon, Ed/Envy Romantic, Drabble

            Sometimes, Ed regretted persuading the homunculus to change sides.

            It hadn’t been easy, no. It had taken a _lot_ of wheedling, a lot of manoeuvring, and a lot of blowjobs. Not to mention that he wasn’t completely sure if Envy _had_ changed sides.

            It was nice having his boyfriend around more often (embarrassing questions from Al, the Colonel and others aside) and for the most part, it was a happy state of affairs. But Envy wasn’t a fighter or a thinker, he was a _trickster,_ and while the lessons on basic morals had gotten through, the ones on propriety, appropriateness and respect…not so much.

            Ed rubbed the bridge of his nose, not trusting himself to look up. “Envy,” he said in as placating a tone as possible, “remember what I said about work hours?”

            “You do realize how hypocritical it is for you to be giving me this ‘talk’, right?” Envy propped his feet up on a desk, inspecting his nails. They were pink today, courtesy of Catalina.

            Ed tried not to grind his teeth too much. “There’s a difference in level here.”

            “Ya mean rank? I thought you said you’d never pull that on me!” Envy pulled a heartbroken face, although Ed knew from experience that it was fake.

            “No. Not rank. Level. As in, the level of destruction caused.”

            Envy cocked his head, thinking for a moment. “Yeah, I don’t get it.”

            “I kick down a door or two to illustrate a point. It’s perfectly reasonable –“ Ed talked over Envy’s sniggering, “while _you_ have…” Envy continued sniggering. “Shut up!”

            Envy refused, shaking his head. “It’s not you,” he managed to get out, and then widened his eyes before making his escape out of the window.

            “Hey! Get back here, you –“ Ed turned, and then realized who Envy had been running from.

            Colonel Mustang stood in front of him, uniform torn, tattered and scorched. A significant amount of his hair was missing. “When I get my hands on that nuisance…”

            “Did he do that?”

            “What?” Mustang looked down at himself. “No, this was when I tried to get rid of his, uh, decorations myself.”

            Ed shrugged – despite his anger, he’d always take Envy’s side to Mustang’s face. “Hey, you never said you _wouldn’t_ love, uh, what does it say?” He checked the list again. “Obscene pictures all over your office. I thought that was right up your alley.”

            Mustang shuddered. “Not when they’re of…never mind.”

            In the corridor behind him, Black Hayate padded past, leaving green footprints on the carpet.


	30. Sweetness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: NSFW, Sex/Sex Scene, Lust/Envy Sexual, Envy/Ed Romantic, Non-Specific Canon, Oneshot

            Lust knows that Envy doesn’t love her. She doesn’t love him either. They’re homunculi, not humans – they just have needs to fulfil.

            And, she reflects, even if she was capable of it, she wouldn’t fall in love with Envy anyway. He’s dangerous, unstable, cruel even for their kind. He scares her sometimes, even if she knows that she could easily hold her own.

            No, this is as far as it’ll ever go. Thrusts and whispered screams whenever the ache becomes too much to bear. An extra body in her bed, or sometimes in his, to claw and bite at.

            Except, she’s not sure when, but something changes.

            It’s been a while since either of them have felt the ache (or, at least, she assumes, but she doesn’t want to think about Envy with any of the others. It’s not jealousy, just discomfort) and there’s something different about Envy. He’s still a murderous, unbalanced walking time bomb. He wouldn’t be Envy if he wasn’t. But slowly, Lust begins to notice that it takes more to set him off, less for him to calm down, and he almost seems…satisfied. Even after a night with her he always has that restlessness to him, but these days he could almost be mistaken for relaxed.

            His brows begin to unfurrow, the marks of his constant anger smoothing out. His jaw isn’t as set, his hands not as clenched and he begins to straighten his back when he walks. Small things, unimportant things, impossible things.

            She catches up to him, calling out his name, but she doesn’t know what to say. You’ve changed. You’re happier. You’re calmer. All of these things, any of these things, could send him back to his usual habits, and Lust realizes with a shock that she _likes_ this new, subtly different Envy.

            Envy stares at her, wondering what she is struggling with – then, he smiles. He doesn’t grin. He doesn’t smirk. He doesn’t cackle. He just…smiles. “Never thought I’d see you struggling with your words. I’ll be there in a bit.”

            _That isn’t what I was going to tell you,_ she almost says, then bites it back. Because it’s true. She’s not aching, but she’s wanting. She _wants_ this new Envy, this Envy that smiles and teases instead of smirks and bullies.

            Less than an hour, Envy’s on top of her, cursing as he drives into her. He smells different – not different, no, his usual scent is still there – but there’s something else.

            In a moment of stupidity, of hopeless sentimentality, Lust crushes her lips against his. She breaks the unspoken taboo.

            And, running her tongue along the inside of his mouth, she tastes somebody else’s sweetness, thick and lingering like honey.

            Later, as they catch their breath, she asks him. “What’s her name?”

            He smiles again, with a touch of ruefulness. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”


	31. Tight Grip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: AU, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Crossover, Ed and Envy Enemies, Brotherhood Canon, Drabble

            They had a common enemy.              

            Ed’s heart beat fast and furious in his throat as he processed this thought. He, Edward Elric, and Envy the homunculus – had a common enemy.

            He opened his mouth to say as much, but only air came rushing from his throat. Of course. Their voices were gone. He kept forgetting that.

            Envy looked past the edge of the bin they hid behind, and then pulled his head back. There was sweat running down his pale face, and Ed realized he’d never seen the creature scared before.

            Creature. No. What they were running from – those were creatures. Limping, lolloping, misshapen beasts in the tattered remains of straitjackets, and their masters – gentlemen with twisted grins and coroner’s suits and feet drifting barely off the ground – those were creatures.

            Compared to them, Envy seemed almost human.

            Envy hissed something, and then rolled his eyes. His voice had also been stolen, locked away somewhere. Instead, he looked at Ed, holding the gaze. Then, he reached down and grasped the blonde’s automail hand, clasping it between his own.

            He was saying one word over and over again, and focusing on Envy’s thin lips, Ed realized what he was saying.

            _Alchemy._

He shook his head. There were at least seven Gentleman, and who knew how many more of their henchmen? He couldn’t get them all with anything. And with the running they’d already done that night, he didn’t have the energy.

            Envy frowned, but after a moment, seemed to understand. He grasped Ed’s other hand, holding it in a tight grip, and then brought both hands up to rest on his collarbone.

            Ed could read his lips again, although the repetition was still needed.

            _Use My Stone._

He closed his hands around Envy’s, relishing the tight grip and the security it gave him in this silent world.

            He’d save both of them.

            He’d save Al, and Winry, and the Colonel – all of them.

            _Thank you,_ he tried to say.

            Envy understood.


	32. After You Leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Nonspecific Canon, Drabble, Ed/Envy Romantic, Ed/Envy Sexual, First Person POV

Dear Envy (who probably won’t even read this because he’s a lazy sonuvabitch)

 

            After you leave, my sheets are a mess. It’s a fucken nuisance, straightening them all out again…so half the time I don’t even bother. And last time, you even managed to _tear_ one of them. I’m too busy being impressed and confused to be pissed off.

 

            After you leave, the room smells of ammonia, mercury and sulphur. It’s not a bad smell– it’s just your smell, and I guess it’s because you’re a homunculus. It’s hard to explain to Al, but it’s better than girly smells like…I dunno. Primroses. Fuck those things.

 

            After you leave, I feel…electric. You’ve just pushed every nerve I have to its breaking point, over and over again. I’m exhausted, frazzled, but so, so alive. It’s such a fucked-up state of mind that all I can do until it subsides is wait for you to come back.

 

            So hurry the fuck up.

 

-Edward Elric


	33. Mayflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Brotherhood Canon, (One-sided?) Ed/Envy Romantic, Reference to Death/Mortality

           “You humans are mayflies to me. I’m two hundred years old and I don’t feel it. You’re fourteen and you already sound like an old man.”

            Envy folded and unfolded his hands. Why was he here? And why couldn’t he stop talking?

            “Before I even begin to feel my age, both you and your brother will be gone, dust scattered to the winds. I’ll have forgotten you by the next decade.”

            “I see.”

            _Get angry, why don’t you? You foolish little boy._ Still, Envy couldn’t quite bring himself to run away from the soul-bound armour who was listening so intently and so kindly.

            “That’s why…” He swallowed. _Stop it._ His mouth was charging ahead of his brain again. “That’s why homunculi don’t bond with humans. Because you’ll die before we’ve even had the chance to live.”

            Al nods. “I see,” he says again. “And that’s why you’re so single-minded in chasing me and Brother down.”

            He unstuck his lips, suddenly gone dry. “Yeah. Sure. That’s why.”

            “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

            Al’s bluntness breaks the spell cast by the moonlight; Envy snorts as he gets to his feet, very obviously avoiding looking through the doorway and at Ed’s sleeping form. “Yeah _right._ Look, I’ll destroy you later, tin man. Go make sure he doesn’t…something.” He spoke too fast, tripping slightly over his words, then jumps onto the windowsill.

            “Hold on, Envy. Before you go –“

            Envy sighed and turned around, for some reason actually still listening to him. “What.”

            Al’s voice sounded…mischievous, and Envy wasn’t quite sure if he quite liked the sound of it. “We’re mayflies to you. But maybe sometimes…it’s worth it?”

            “You’re such a kid. I’m trying to destroy the world and you’re trying to get your brother laid.”

            He shrugged, and if he’d had the functions necessary, Envy swore the brat would have been grinning. “He needs all the help he can get.”


	34. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: 2003 Canon, Post-Lab 5 Divergence, NSFW, Sex/Sex Scene, Homophobia, Ed and Envy Enemies, Ed/Envy Sexual, Implied Non-Con
> 
> Part 1 of 3: [with Chapter 43 and 67]

            Edward Elric had a secret.

            His brother didn’t know it (though he might have suspected). His mechanic didn’t know it. His superior officer, arrogant and omniscient as he was, didn’t know it. Nobody but him. It would be the end of him if it got out, depending on who was the first to hear – at best discrimination, hatred and harassment; at worst, time in jail or execution. This secret – the one he guarded more jealously (and more successfully) than his human transmutation and his empty brother – was simple enough, staggeringly so.

            Edward liked men.

            Secretly he was glad for the constant teasing from everybody and their dog about him and Winry. It was embarrassing, but a good cover for the fact that when he gave into those stupid adolescent urges of his, he _didn’t_ think of her.

            It was sometime after his first encounter with the strange creatures from Lab 5, however, that a new development made his secret even harder to hide – his fantasies gained a face. He’d never found the bastard Colonel attractive – sure, he was pretty enough to look at, but his personality ruined dark-eyed, dark-haired men for Ed forever. Havoc had been closer to the mark until an innocent comment from Al had brought attention to the fact that Jean looked _far_ too much like Al to be quite comfortable.

            But there was just something about the green-haired enemy who’d leant so close to his face. The unknown, nameless – for how could ‘Envy’ be anything other than an alias? – and agonizingly, tantalizing, deceptively slim stranger with the lackadaisical twang in his voice and the long, long hair that had brushed so softly against Ed’s cheek when he’d brought their faces together –

            Ed sped up, lips tightly sealed so that Al wouldn’t hear. Al thought he was asleep, and he really should be, but his fantasies wouldn’t leave him alone. He’d thought for a moment he’d seen Envy outside the hospital window when he’d been there, but it had turned out to be nothing but the branches casting shadows. People on the street would briefly have his smirking face, but a second glance would prove him wrong.

            “Oh god,” he murmured, and then froze, stopping himself with difficulty. With something mumbled in an embarrassed voice, Al slunk into the other room, as much as an eight-foot-tall suit of armour can slink.

            _Shit._

Ed’s eyes flickered past the window – what was that? No, nothing. For a moment he’d thought he’d seen a flash of pale skin and dark hair, but it was nothing but shadows.

            “Envy,” he whispered, voice hoarse in the silence, breaths coming harder – and releasing.

            “Huh. So that’s what ya think of me,” said a sardonic voice in the darkness, matter-of-fact and dry.

            Ed span around in the bed, pulling up the covers even higher. Envy cocked his head, perching on the balls of his feet on the windowsill, with his knees apart (thank god he was wearing shorts or Ed wouldn’t have been able to restrain himself) and fist underneath his chin.

            “Well, well,” he chuckled. “So li’l Edo has a secret."

            “D-don’t call me little!”

            Envy jumped into the room, closing the window quietly behind him. “So what am I going to do with you, then?”

            His eyes glittered, and he lifted his lip, one tooth shimmering in the moonlight.

            Ed gulped. Some fantasies should never be played out.


	35. Forever Is A Long Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Brotherhood Tags, Ed/Envy Romantic, Drabble

            Sometimes Envy wondered if they could stay like this forever. Snatched moments; sincere but lying words; passion sparked out of some deeper, instinctive and feral connection; but then he reminded himself of the truth.

            Homunculi didn’t have emotions – no, that wasn’t the truth.

            The deep, horrible truth was that homunculi _did._ And they just avoided them because they weren’t worth the pain.

            But Pride and Wrath had Minna (even if they denied it).

            Lust and Gluttony had each other.

            Sloth had his world of dreams and slumber.

            Greed had his loyal companions, the snake-girl, the dog-boy, the bull-man and the lizard-man.

            And Envy – Envy had Ed.

            But the Promised Day inched ever nearer, and Envy regretted ever letting himself feel, ever letting that _goddamn_ alchemist anywhere near him – because no connection, no attraction was worth jeopardizing the plan centuries in the making.

            Ed was going to die. Every day, every night, every minute was a day and night and minute closer to the inevitable. Ed wasn’t just a sacrifice, he was _his_ sacrifice –

            -so when Ed finally gave voice to Envy’s daydreams, Envy didn’t say the first thing he thought, which was that forever is a long time and that he should get his head out of the clouds.

            Instead he just smiled and felt his face crack with the effort, knowing that ‘forever’ for Ed would be a very short time.


	36. Gone By Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Poetry, Ed/Envy Romantic, Unspecified Canon

Hold out your hands.  
Catch three raindrops

Pretend they’re mine if it makes you feel better.

 

Close your eyes

Close your window

Or leave it open, I don’t care.

 

When you look at me

You look at me

You look and you see

And it hurts like hell.

 

When you touch me I feel it

And it scares me to death

You burn and you freeze

Melting ice and cooling the flames.

 

I’m not the one you want

The one person I can’t be

I’ll be gone by morning

So don’t look for me.

 

Don’t believe for a moment

That I’m ever going to change

It takes more than the sun

It takes more than the rain

Don’t believe for a moment

That I’m doing this for you

Because I’m not.

I swear.

I’m not.

 

So stand in the rain but look away

Because I don’t want to see your face

Smeared with tears and torn with fears

I told you I wouldn’t be staying here

 

Why aren’t you afraid

Of the Big Bad Wolf?

Why aren’t you afraid

Of what bumps in the night?

Why aren’t you afraid of me?

What am I doing right?

 

I don’t know anywhere good this can lead

I’ll be gone by morning so don’t look for me


	37. Terror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Drabble, Ed/Envy Enemies, Ed/Envy Brothers, Ed/Envy Sexual, 2003 Canon, Blood, Incest

            Envy loved terrifying Edward. It was like a drug, watched the kid who looked _so much like the bastard_ yelp or quiver, even under his mask of false bravado.

            This time was no different, although his methods were slightly altered. It was such a dark night, after all, with no moon and about fifty broken streetlights. It would be a _shame_ to waste it. 

            He could see him now – Envy’s eyes had no problem with darkness, sucking in light from every available source and focusing on the bright colours that made Edward stick out so much. It would be so easy. He could strike from the alley, leave him in pain, and then dart off. Guerilla tactics. He’d have the boy going nuts.

            Then, Edward stopped walking.

            Envy frowned. Something else was going on.

            Edward looked around – he was looking for something (or someone) but couldn’t quite find it. He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket.

            He looked up, not quite at Envy (but damnably close) and smiled.

            “I know who you are.”

            It could have meant anything.

            It could have been meant for anyone.

            But it struck terror into Envy’s heart.

            Because the way he said it, the way he’d looked around –

            Then Edward kept speaking.

            “I know who you are. And I don’t abandon family.” His eyes kept venturing around for a hint of where Envy was hiding. “You’ve done terrible things.”

            Envy wanted to scream.

            “But so have we.”

            Ed raised his automail arm.

            “This – all of this – is about forgiveness. It’s about penance.”

            Envy didn’t like being afraid. This terror – this fear that…that…

            “What are you afraid of?” Now it was a challenge.

            “STOP IT!” screams Envy out into the street. “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING, YOU STUPID SPOILED HUMAN!”

            Ed’s eyes finally locked onto him, and he crossed his arms. “Oh, so it’s ‘stupid spoiled human’ now? Listen, I’m giving you a chance –“

            Envy pushed against the side of the building, launching himself across the street and at the boy who _wouldn’t shut up._

Teeth tore at lips; tongue fought tongue; and finally, a shocked Ed managed to pull away. “What the _hell?”_

            Envy grinned, lips stained with blood. “I’m not your brother, _pipsqueak._ You’d better fucking remember that.”

            And just like that, Ed was the one who was afraid again.

            Just like it should be.


	38. Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Ed/Envy Romantic, Anxiety, Brotherhood Canon, Sap Warning, Drabble

           Ed has always been fascinated by hands, ever since he can remember. Losing one of his own has only increased his interest, given it a tinge of jealousy he won’t admit to anyone.

            Mom’s hands, of course, are the first he can remember – gentle but with a hardness to them from the lye soap she used to wash. The only thing he never liked about her hands was the chewed, nervous nails and the simple silver ring that she was always touching, always caressing.

            Winry’s hands are different. Even though her hands have to cause him pain, they’re also the ones that mend him when he’s broken. She has tiny scars criss-crossing her fingers, reminders of when she wasn’t so good at making automail, and the same chewed and torn nails as his mother – something that never fails to make him feel guilty.

            Al’s hands, whether flesh or steel, are always ones of restraint. Al’s hands are sometimes all that stop Ed from becoming a killer. Sometimes he’ll trace the padded gauntlets and remind himself – there, that was the scar from trying to climb the fence, and there’s where the stray cat bit him…

            Roy Mustang’s hands have the same olive tint as the rest of his skin, but interrupted with almost-indistinguishable dark red patches – remnants, explains the Colonel, of his first forays into fire alchemy. They have a remarkable strength to them, too, something Ed notices whenever Mustang grasps his shoulder or shakes his hand.

            But some hands have no scars at all.

            Envy’s hands are unbelievably cold, just like his heart. They’ve shed more blood than Ed can wrap his head around, and fought more battles. They’re white as snow and lilies, and no matter how his eyes search them on every encounter with the homunculus, Ed can’t find a single blemish, a single freckle.

            Envy’s hands are perfect.

            Out of all the hands he’s seen, somehow Envy’s are the ones that Ed wants to hold.


	39. Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Poetry, Ed/Envy Sexual, Non-Specific Canon
> 
> [This one is fucking terrible and lazy. I'm planning to come back to it at some point. Feel free to skip it.]

           Envy didn’t care.

 

            He didn’t care what it took.

 

            He wanted it all.

 

 

            He wanted it all.

 

            Ed was molten gold and fire.

 

            Heat and flame and light.

 

 

            He wanted it all.

 

            All that heat, all that passion

 

            Everything he lacked.

 

 

            Everything he missed.

 

            Everything he didn’t have.

 

            He wanted it all.

 

 

            He would take it all.

 

            But then he lay cold on stone

 

            And Envy wondered

 

 

            “What, then, was the point?”

 

            And heat lay in the ashes

 

            drowning in black blood.

 

 

            _He is just so cold._

_He can’t stop his shivering._

_He is just…so…cold._


	40. Sin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: 2003 Canon, Ed/Envy Sexual, Ed/Envy Enemies, Drabble(s), Cannibalism (Vague/Implied/Metaphorical), Suicide

            Envy commits every sin when it comes to Edward Elric.

 

**_jealousy_ **

****

His own; his strongest. Edward stole what should have been his. A loving mother. A father, even for a few short years. Memories. Humanity. A brother. A home. But Edward has so much more than that that Envy wants; Edward is beautiful. Envy wants that but can’t fully replicate it (he’ll always just be a shadow). Edward is strong. (Envy will shatter with enough force, if the right person delivers it.) Edward is compassionate. (Envy tries, he does, but he can’t quite seem to care about those pesky humans.) Edward is everything Envy isn’t and that’s why he hates him.

 

**_........greed_ **

****

            Envy wants to take not just everything Edward has, but everything Edward is – wear him like a second skin and drink in the love and goodwill given to him like gifts by everybody around him. He wants _all_ of it, without fail. And if he was Edward, he wouldn’t stop there – he would reach out and take everything, all the world and the universe and the universes beyond had to offer because he would be _Edward Elric,_ and he _could._ He doesn’t know why Ed hasn’t yet. Because to be honest, greed is just second nature to sins like him.

 

**_………….gluttony_ **

****

            When he sees Ed, he has the urge to eat and eat – not just eat, but just to utterly _consume_ him. He just looks so…so…perfect. Envy’s never tasted human, and he never will unless it’s Ed, but something about the Fullmetal Alchemist just makes him so _hungry._ And it doesn’t matter what he stuffs into the big empty hole in his big empty stomach, he can’t stop being hungry. Only one thing will fill him, and he won’t break his centuries-old vow of vengeance for a simple hope that maybe a single piece of gold will stop him from starving.

 

**_…………………sloth_ **

****

            Envy really should be doing more. Killing Edward and Alphonse should be his main goal. But he finds himself spending more time watching and less time chasing, more time enjoying and less time taunting, more time dreaming and less time screaming. He somehow can’t find the energy to chase Fullmetal for another useless battle – or to defy Dante and finally be permitted to kill his brothers. It’s lazy of him, but he’s over four hundred years old now– surely he’s allowed a rest every now and again. Maybe if he waits long enough, Ed will drop dead on his own.

 

**_……………………..wrath_ **

****

            He hates him so much! He can’t even find the words in this pesky language to articulate the wrath that’s captured him now. He just hates Edward Elric. HATES. Because suddenly his dreams are a lot less bloody, no matter how he tints them and thinks of weapons or even tries to use his own bare hands. Because suddenly hating Edward Elric is getting harder. So obviously he needs to work harder at it. Hate. Hate. Hate. Don’t think of how beautifully sad he is in the rain. Hate him. Don’t think… just stop thinking. He hates Edward Elric…he must.

 

**_………………………….lust_ **

****

His body’s a mess, and he didn’t even know he was susceptible. Dante knew. That bitch. Edward – he must know, somehow. He’s doing this on purpose, taking off his jacket to show off his flesh arm and how sculpted and tan it is. He’s doing this on purpose, strolling through Envy’s dreams (always daydreams, because sleeping is such a human thing) with fewer and fewer clothes, beckoning and teasing and _pleading._ He didn’t even know this was possible. Are hate and lust so close together that even Envy, the most hateful of all, could want his rival so, so badly?

 

**_……………………………......pride_ **

****

            There was no other way, when it came right down to it. His purpose was gone, sublimated in seduction and sweat. His drive was lost, his meaning blurred. He was _nothing._ He might as well be…might as well be _human._ Hateful thought. He was just glad he knew where the bones were, how to do it even without alchemy, because to ask Dante for help was too far for his already shattered pride. “See you on the other side…Edward Elric.” And then Envy was gone, because seven sins is too much for anybody to hold at once, on their own.


	41. Little Mysteries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Ed/Envy Enemies, Bad Puns, Humour, Oneshot, 2003 Canon, Gore/Blood, Minor Ed/Win, Purposeful OOC

 

            “What’ve you got there, big brother?”

            “I _told_ you not to call me that, brat.” Envy pushed the inquisitive homunculus away, but Wrath wasn’t so easily deterred. Leaping up onto the back of the sofa, he leant over Envy’s shoulder, ‘accidentally’ flicking his thick mat of black hair into the older being’s face.

            “Get the fuck off of me!”

            “Nooo, I want to see! And Mommy says not to swear –“

            Envy grabbed the roots of Wrath’s hair right by the scalp and flipped the homunculus head-first into the floor. There was a satisfying ‘squelch’ of blood and brain matter, and then with a flicker of white sparks, Wrath was glaring upside-down at his attacker.

            “That _hurt._ ”

            “Pity you aren’t human, it woulda shut you up for good.” Envy examined his treasure again. It was small and metal, hardly larger than the pad of his finger with eight equal sides and a hole in the middle. It looked vaguely familiar, but Envy had stopped paying attention to much in the world about three hundred years back.

            He sighed. He’d have to ask somebody about his little mystery.

* * *

            “Hey Sloth.”

            “Mm?” The tall woman looked up from the basin of water she’d been staring into. “Yes, Envy?” Her eyes were dull and bored.

            He held up his treasure. “What’s this?”

            She barely looked. “I don’t know. Go ask Lust.”

* * *

             “Hey, Lust!”

            “Yes, Envy?” She was cleaning blood off of one of her claws – Envy wondered whose this time.

            He held it up again. “I found this. What is it?”

            “I have not the foggiest idea. It might be a torture device.” She grinned at the last one, and he reciprocated.

            “Hmm, maybe. How would it work?”

            Unfortunately, after about half an hour of trying to figure it out, they couldn’t think of a single way to use it as a torture device…except perhaps determining what exactly it _was._

* * *

            “Hey! Asshole!” 

            Greed rubbed his head where the rock had struck. “Watch it, monsterface.”

            “I have a question for you.”

            “What, _you_ need something from _me_?” Greed began to laugh, and steam began to billow from Envy’s ears.

            “Shut up, you useless excuse for a homunculus! I need you to tell me what _this_ is.”

            Greed jumped from the tree, landing in front of the smaller figure, and then plucked the small piece of metal neatly from his fingers, ignoring the scowl of protest he got in return. “Heh. Whatcha gonna do for me in return…ugly?”

            Envy snatched it back. “ _Nothing._ ”

            “Oh well then. What a pity. Gotta… _bolt._ ” With a snigger that sounded rather suspicious, Greed left.

            Envy strongly considered beating his ‘little brother’s’ head in.

* * *

            “Hey, Gluttony, do you know what…stop drooling on me. Okay. Never mind.”  

* * *

             Dante was cackling very loudly when Envy creaked open the door to her study…and there was a _lot_ of red light. He decided to give it a pass.

* * *

             Fuhrer King Bradley didn’t get unscheduled appointments often – no, that was wrong. People did _not_ walk into his office without an appointment, or at least a knock.

            So of course his first impulse was to draw his sword and put it at the intruder’s neck.

            “Cool it, Pr – er, Fuhrer.” The man closed the door behind him and morphed back into his preferred form. “Just me.”

            Pride sheathed his sword. “You know it’s dangerous to visit me here.”

            “I know, I know, I get it,” said the eternal teenager with a voice and expression that rather hinted that he didn’t, “but you’re my last chance!”

            Pride raised an eyebrow. When it failed to garner any response, he mentally cursed and raised the _other_ one.

            Envy opened his palm, where the piece of metal lay. “What the hell is this? No one else knows.”

            “ _That?_ ” He tried to hide his incredulity. “It’s a bolt.”

            “A…a what?”

            Pride didn’t get to see Envy nonplussed very often. He tried not to show his glee too much. “A bolt. It’s used to secure nuts –“

            “ _What?_ ”

            “It’s a piece of mechanical hardware!” he nearly yelled. It was so, so easy to forget that Envy was supposedly the oldest of them…although now that he thought about it, that might be the precise problem.

            “Oh.” Envy looked it at again, and then back up at Pride, disappointment clear. “Like, in automail and stuff?”

            He nodded.

            “That’s all?”

            Pride nodded again.

            “Dammit. Lust and I were hoping it was a torture device.”

            Pride shook his head. “It’s what would hold them together.”

            Envy definitely perked up at that – and then froze. “Hold on, did you say _bolt?_ ”

            “Yes, it’s a bolt.”

            Envy’s hand closed into a fist around his little treasure. “I need to go murder Greed a couple times,” he forced out through gritted teeth.

* * *

             “EDWARD!”

            Ed stuck his flesh pinky into his ear and twisted it around a few times with a bored expression. “What now, Winry?”

            “I thought this was just routine maintenance! You didn’t tell me you’d BROKEN it!”

            “I didn’t…I think?”

            Winry rapped him smartly on the head with her wrench. “You’re missing a BOLT!”

            Ed rubbed his head. “What, really? Is that important?”

            “Yes! You’re lucky the entire thing didn’t fall apart!” Winry sighed. “How did you even manage to just lose one bolt and not notice?”

            The shorter blond shrugged as well as he could. “Just one of life’s little mysteries, I guess.”

            That line, of course, earned him another whack with the wrench.


	42. Meaning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Ed/Envy Enemies, Oneshot, 2003 Canon, Violence

It was in the middle of a fight, when Envy had Ed pinned, that Ed suddenly let it pour out.

“Envy, an emotion that occurs when a person lacks another’s perceived superior quality, achievement or possession and wishes that the other lacked it.”

Envy froze, and then his mouth twisted into a rather unpleasant frown. “You work at being an asshole or does it come naturally?”

Ed winced. “Sorry.” He’d memorized the dictionary and sometimes he’d spout things when he got nervous.

He didn’t expect laughter, even if there was bitterness there. “Sorry? You’re _apologizing?_ You are such a dork.”

“Better than a palm-tree with a shitty name,” retorted the blond.

At least the concussion meant he wasn’t as bored in the hospital as usual. 

* * *

 

He’d completely forgotten by that time, but after a particularly rough battle that had somehow ended up with him flat on his back on the dented asphalt, Envy leant down, bending at the hip (how his enemy could be so damn flexible he didn’t know; he was kind of jealous) and murmured something.

“Edward, from Old Amestrian ‘ead’, happy, and ‘weard’, guard. It can also mean prosperous, or rich. Fitting for the golden boy.” For all the bitterness of the words, they were spoken with a strange balance of tiredness and wonder.

“I didn’t know that,” was all Ed could think to say. With a wry chuckle, Envy flicked his nose.

“Surprising for the bookworm. Oh, and here’s one last present.” Envy stood up, and then drove his heel into Ed’s stomach, making him yelp in surprise and completely winding him. “I guess my name suits me too. Later, brat.”

He walked away nonchalantly, but Ed could see the slight tremble in his shoulders and the unsteadiness in his tread.

 


	43. Loyalties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: 2003 Canon, Post-Lab 5 Divergence, Implied Sex, Implied Homophobia, Ed and Envy Enemies, Ed/Envy Sexual, Minor/Implied Non-Con, Violence, Injuries
> 
> Part 2 of 3: [with Chapter 34 and 67]

Colonel Roy Mustang frowned as he deciphered the chicken scratch that passed for his subordinate’s writing – and then looked up at said subordinate. “An inside source?” ****

Ed nodded. “He’s giving me information on…his kind…in return for…” He stopped, looking almost embarrassed. “Well, he’s doing it because he hates them now.” It was an obvious cover up, but Mustang decided to let it go – for the most part.

“See you aren’t trading military secrets, Fullmetal. Your brother isn’t worth the country.”

Ed’s eyes flashed, and he smacked his hands onto the Colonel’s desk. “He is to me, asshole! But…” His voice subsided to a semi-normal level. “I’m not gonna do that.”

* * *

 

Ed reported in again a week later.

“You asshole! I didn’t need to go on that stupid fool’s errand!”

Roy raised an eyebrow, not bothering to suppress his smirk. “Oh? So he wasn’t ignoring the rules of equivalent exchange after all?”

“NO!” thundered the blond. “Not only was he some stupid third-rate alchemist, the people who’d reported it in didn’t know the _first_ thing about alchemy! They’d seen him make something bigger and assumed he was ignoring equivalency – it’s like they’d never even HEARD of density!”

Losing himself in his own agitated rant, Ed began to pace back and forth, gesticulating wildly. Roy observed, noting every detail as he always did.

Then he noticed the bruise.

It wasn’t a real bruise; besides, Ed had taken down the alchemist without a fight. It was the dark-red type of bruise one got from lips and teeth rather than fists.

“I see you had time to stop and visit your girlfriend on the way, Fullmetal.”

Ed froze. “What? I don’t –“

Roy’s smirk grew even wider. “Next time you delay reporting to me, make sure she doesn’t leave _evidence_ behind.”

Ed’s hand clapped to his neck as his face paled. “D-damn him…” he muttered, almost too low for the Colonel to hear.

But he did.

Roy blinked, and then sucked his lips in. “Ah. It appears I’ve made a mistake.”

“W-wait, no! I didn’t – no – I – just –“ Ed stammered and stuttered, until finally he fell into an uncharacteristically meek silence. He walked closer to the Colonel’s desk.

“Please,” he whispered, voice almost breaking. “I…Even Al doesn’t know.”

“The policy, Fullmetal, is ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’.” He smiled in an attempt at comfort. “Your business is your own.” His tone turned mock-serious. “Until it makes you late for another report. You’re dismissed.”

With that, Ed returned to his usual self with a snort. “About time, bastard Colonel. Seriously, I don’t know why you can’t just read the stupid things without me having to go over everything twice.”

“Because your handwriting is atrocious and your sense of structure isn’t much better.”

“Pff. Whatever.” Ed lifted his hand as he left. “Later, asshole.”

Alone again, Roy bent down to fill out his paperwork – when the corner of a file poking out from underneath the stack caught his eye. He slid it out, careful not to let the papers above it fall over, and opened it.

_Envy (no last name given)._

_“He’s giving me information on…his kind…in return for…Well, he’s doing it because he hates them now.”_

“Oh, Ed,” murmured the officer with a growing sense of apprehension. “What have you gotten yourself into now?”

* * *

Ed requested (by letter) not to be sent on another mission for at least two weeks – unusual for the Elrics. They were usually haring off another place within three days at least; either a lead from him or something of their own.

Still, Roy wasn’t worried. Everybody needed to stop and catch their breath every now and again, and Ed hadn’t stopped for four years. _I know some higher-ups who could take a lesson from him on perseverance._

However, when Al showed up (alone) at his office three days into the vacation, he began to feel the first twinges of concern.

“Oh, hello, Alphonse. What brings you here?”

The suit of armour pressed his fingers together in an awkward gesture that reminded Roy sharply of who the imposing figure really was; a fourteen-year-old boy in a body he didn’t own. “I…Um…It’s, it’s…It’s Brother.”

Roy discreetly closed his office door – he trusted Havoc or Hawkeye or Fuery with his life, but some things it was best to keep to a small circle. “What’s the matter?” he asked, rather too brusquely, but it couldn’t be helped.

“He’s…I think something’s wrong.”

“Is he sick?”

Al shook his head. “No…he’s disappearing. He’ll say he’s going to the library, then he won’t be back for twelve hours!”

Roy couldn’t help but smile at the thought that crossed his mind. “Are you sure he isn’t just at the library for twelve hours?”

“No, that’s what I thought at first…but then I went to ask the librarians and they said they hadn’t seen him!”

Roy raised his eyebrow. He was going to have amazing facial muscles by the end of his dealings with the Elrics. “Uh, which librarians?”

Al checked them on his fingers. “First Military Branch, Second Military Branch, Third Military Branch, Fourth Military Branch, Central Public, all the high school libraries…They wouldn’t let me into the primary schools, though.”

Roy pretended to drop something, and then bent down to get it. _I will not laugh at the poor worried boy. I will not laugh at the boy looking for his brother. I will not laugh._ Strength of will won out and he straightened again. “I see.”

“Not only that…I think he’s sneaking out at night.”

“How would he do that? I thought you two shared a room.”

“Not anymore…he, er...” Al rubbed the back of his head, once again acting his age. Finally he leant over and whispered it shamefacedly into Roy’s ear.

Roy wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry, or choke. “I…see. Alright. Perhaps it has something to do with –“ He stopped himself, unsure why. _Does Al know about Envy? They don’t keep secrets from each other…and Ed doesn’t lie to his brother about where he is._

“Edward can take care of himself, Al,” he said, as soothingly as he could. “But I’ll let you know if I learn anything new.”

He should have told Al about Ed’s informant there and then.

But he didn’t.

* * *

It was almost two weeks later that Fullmetal finally dragged himself back into Mustang’s office.

And every fear of Alphonse Elric and Roy Mustang combined was completely and utterly justified.

“Hey, bastard,” he muttered, voice quiet and slurred. The bags under his eyes were almost as black as his jacket, and he was dragging his feet with a slight limp. He didn’t even bother standing at attention, sitting (or rather falling) onto the black couch with a badly-disguised wince.

“What’s the matter with you, Fullmetal?”

“Nothing.”

Roy pursed his lips. He knew the signs of fatigue, and this was far beyond a few sleepless nights. “When was the last time you got some proper sleep?”

“I dunno. I thought I was here to get a mission, bastard-Colonel, not a lecture.” He sat up, although his shoulders were hunched – and, Roy noticed, his automail shoulder was pushed farther forward than the other.

“Is your automail working properly, E – Fullmetal?”

Ed glanced up, as surprised as Roy was at the almost-slip. “Y-yeah, it’s fine. Now what’ve you got for me? I don’t have all day.”

With a sigh, the Colonel slid the file he’d had for Ed off of the desk – and opened the top drawer with a clatter, dropping it in. “Nothing. Go home and sleep – and whatever you’re doing to yourself, stop it.”

“What?” Ed leapt to his feet. “Stop fucking around and gimme that file.”

“No. You’re in no condition to go gallivanting off anywhere, let alone on a mission. If you screw up on your own time it’s not my business. If you screw up on an assignment, then it becomes my problem.”

Ed slammed his hands on the desk, closing the gap between them with fire in his eyes. “I told you I’m fucking fine, now give me the file!”

“No.” Roy returned his gaze, keeping it steady and using the moment to note just how haggard and drawn Ed’s face was.

“DAMN YOU MUSTANG!” The automail fist crashed into his jaw without warning. “I need another fucking lead! I need to restore Al soon, or he’s gonna…gonna…” He grabbed Mustang’s collar, gritting his teeth, and then relaxed his grip, slumping dejectedly. “The armour’s gonna reject him, Colonel,” Ed murmured.

“And I suppose you got this from your…informant?”

Ed nodded, on the brink of frustrated tears.

Roy gently pulled his hand away. His jaw was stinging already, but he could deal with that later. “What have you been doing to get this information, Edward?” He used his subordinate’s first name on purpose this time.

Ed shook his head. “Don’t…don’t ask me that. I’m awful at lying.”

“Edward, tell me.”

“I can’t. I won’t. It’s none of your business anyway.”

“It’s my business when you’re wearing yourself to the bone.” Roy raised his hand to the collar of Ed’s jacket and gently tugged it away. The bitemarks were fresh and bloody, some of them still scabbing over. “If you die before you get a chance to restore your brother, that’ll kind of defeat the point.”

Ed backed away, tugging his collar back into position. “Shoulda known you wouldn’t understand. He _promised._ And…ah, fuckin’ hell.” He pulled the pocketwatch out of his pocket and tossed it onto the desk. “I guess I don’t need you bastards anymore.”

He walked away, and Roy was too shocked to even try to stop him – staring at the watch on the desk in front of him. It had sprung open at the impact, and the words staring him in the face – “Don’t Forget, 3rd Oct.” were enough to render him speechless.

* * *

 

Ed lasted a month after he left the military. The letters Roy got from Al were falsely cheerful, but Roy could read between the lines well enough to know that Ed was deteriorating – fast.

And then he disappeared.

* * *

 

“Have you found anything, Havoc? Breda?”

They both shook their heads, remarkably subdued. “The boss left no trace behind. Just…poof. Vanished.” Havoc gestured with his hands.

“Nothing?”

“He didn’t take anything with him, either,” added Breda. “Even his coat’s still here.” He held up the signature red coat that had gone everywhere with the fifteen-year-old.

Roy sighed, rubbing his forehead. Hawkeye was with Al in the other room, trying to calm him down – it had been less than twenty-four hours and he was already blaming himself. However, from what Alphonse was saying…this had been coming for a while.

He picked up the coat – and felt something in the lining. _Paper._ Hands trembling almost too badly to do it, he ripped open the fabric and pulled out the note in there.

It was a string of letters and numbers he couldn’t begin to comprehend – he didn’t try. He strode through the doorway to where Hawkeye knelt in front of a motionless suit of armour.

“Alphonse.” No reaction. “We found this.”

Al lifted his head, read the paper; a moment later he spoke. “I’ll find a way. No matter what it takes. No sacrifice is too great. I’m sorry.” He began to make the sounds of choking sobs, and Hawkeye laid her hand gently on his helmet.

* * *

 

Envy couldn’t stop admiring his latest prize. “You’re right, this was far more fun than killing you.”

Ed smiled, but it was empty. “You said you’d show me how to restore Al.”

“Of course, of course, but…” Envy reached over and stroked Ed’s unbound hair, falling like silk over his shoulders in the darkness. “Let’s have some fun first, hm?”

Ed jerked away. “You have nothing to blackmail me with anymore. We can drop that bit.”

“No, we _can’t._ ” Envy bit down on his pet’s throat, close to but not quite touching the jugular. “That was the deal, pipsqueak. You become mine…I save your brother.”

Ed’s eyes flicked downwards. “Of course.”

“Of course…?” Envy squeezed the back of his neck, sharp nails digging into flesh.

He could hear the pipsqueak grit his teeth. “Of course… _Master._ ”

_What do you think of your precious little boy now, Hohenheim?_

Some things are worse than death after all.

 


	44. Pleasure/Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Drabble, Non-Specific Canon/Canon Blending, Ed/Envy Enemies, Pain, Injury, Death

 

Envy hated pain. He couldn’t die, of course, but that didn’t mean the sensation was any less agonizing.

 

_Edward hated pleasure sometimes. He’d lose himself in it, and then suddenly, he’d remember that Al couldn’t feel it – any of it._

 

He preferred pleasure, although it was his little secret – chocolate parfaits, silk, warm blood, cool breezes. They tickled his senses, and even if it was a terribly human thing to enjoy, he revelled in every single one of them.

 

_He preferred pain. Pain centred him – reminded him of his goal. Pain he could focus on. Pain he could use._

 

Causing pain, on the other hand – that was another little pleasure. Even a bruise or a scratch, watching someone wince or scream…especially silly little pipsqueak Ed. He laughed at them, their futile struggles.

 

_Causing pleasure, though…Tickling Winry until she giggled, or lifting little Elysia into the air and making airplane noises, or watching Al with one of his strays (even for a short time) was the only thing that he could enjoy without guilt._

 

Envy frowned. Looking at the pipsqueak happy – the boy who looked _so much_ like the father he detested, who was everything that he could have been, _should have been_ – the pain it brought was almost unbearable.

 

_Ed tried to look away but couldn’t. Seeing the homunculus in pain shouldn’t have pleased him so much. He wasn’t that sadistic. Even after all the creature had done to them – he couldn’t be that evil! He couldn’t be. He couldn’t._

_And that in itself was pain._

 


	45. Burning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Canon Blending, Ed/Envy Enemies, Death, Misogynistic Language, Fire/Burning, Mild Body Horror, Drabble

 

It was the flame that kept him going, it was the inferno that raged inside, it was the firestorm that burnt his insides and whispered and screamed, ‘kill kill kill’. Vengeance.

It burnt the hottest whenever he laid eyes on Hohenheim or his precious little sons, of course. Any time he saw the whore who’d given birth to them came a close second, although she was dead now.

Whenever he was forced to interact with his dear master Dante for too long, the hate flared high. She was supposedly his mother, but her ice never melting, no matter how fiercely he burned.

It was all that defined him. It was all that drove him.

_Snap._

He screamed as the flame consumed his skin, his eyes, his hair – everything. It was a fitting end – the hundredth of its kind in a few short minutes.

So this, in the end, was the payoff.

He was to burn after all.


	46. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Ed/Envy Enemies, 2003 Canon, Pre-Series, Oneshot, Implied Abuse/Neglect, Snakes, Animals, Water

 It was the year 1904, and the immortal creature who had once been known as William Elric was watching children play with their mother.

“Mom, keep your eyes closed!”

Trisha laughed, a sweet sound that echoed over the gentle hills of Rizenbul, and squeezed her eyes even more tightly shut as the little boys led her across the field – one by the hand, the shorter tugging on her apron. “Okay, but are we nearly there?”

“Mhm! It’s the bestest place in Rizenbul and nobody knows about it ‘cept us and now you!”

 _And me,_ thought Envy with no small measure of vindictiveness as he followed them, perfectly disguised among the underbrush. He’d chosen a small form, a rattlesnake who could wind around the stones and slither silently across the ground.

The ‘bestest place in Rizenbul’ was a small pool, muddy and alive with bass-voiced frogs, fish that reflected the sun’s rays like tiny, ever-shifting mirrors and the ripples made by the steady strokes of the weeping willows’ wind-stirred branches. It was gorgeous, if dirty.

Envy hated it.

Trisha loved it. “Oh, it’s wonderful!” she breathed, with no trace of falseness. She sat down in the mud, and her two boys joined her, one on either side.

Envy watched them still.

He wondered what would have happened if he’d ever brought Dante to a place like this – and on the heels of the stray thought came a memory, a scrap of humanity that emerged whenever he least wanted it.

“ _Mama, Mama! Come look, come look!” He tugged at her gown with muddy hands, but she snatched the skirt away with a disgusted sound._

_“William, I’m busy.”_

_“But I found a pretty!”_

_“Well, go enjoy your…pretty…then.” She stalked away in her velvet, dark hair bound up in a jewelled nut._

_William sat down hard, pouting and trying to force back the tears in his eyes. Mama never had time for his pretties._

_Someone sat down next to him. He looked up. It was Papa, with a big smile on his face._

_“You found a pretty?”_

_Will nodded, still pouting._

_“Can I see?”_

_William’s eyes lit up, and he sprang to his feet. “This way, Papa!”_

Envy shook his reptilian head with a scowl, but examined the Trisha woman again – she was hoisting up her skirts now and splashing around in the pool with her boys. She reminded him, he realized sickly, of Hohenheim.

He could see why Hohenheim had left Dante now.

_But why me?_

Because he was a monster.

Still…there was a part of him tempting to transform into a little boy, suck his thumb and wail a little. He had no doubt that she would sweep over, ask what was wrong and give him a hug, let him cry into her apron.

It would be so _easy._

Envy felt the tug at his heart again as Trisha lifted Al out of the pool and swung him around, giving the top of his head a big smooch.

“No fair, Mom! I want one too!”

“And you shall get one, my sweet little prince.” She bent over and kissed Ed as well, laughing slightly at the flush on his face from being referred to as ‘little’.

Envy slithered away. He was starting to feel sick.

_“Mama, can I have a kiss?”_

_“No. You’re covered in dirt. Go clean yourself, you mucky little brat.”_

_“Mama, can I have a hug?”_

_“There. That was a hug. Now go away.”_

_“Mama, I tripped and hurted myself!”_

_“Then don’t run so fast in the halls.”_

_“But it huurrts!”_

_“Then you’ve learned your lesson.”_

He raised his head for one last look. Trisha’s laugh still rang across the field.

“ _You_ should have been _my_ mother.” He gave voice to his wish, quietly where nobody would hear his blasphemy, and then disappeared into the long grass.


	47. Masks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Masquerade, Dance, Ed/Envy Romantic, Brotherhood Canon, Oneshot

The room was alive with colour, viridian and vermilion weaving together with sapphire and indigo to make a dizzying, shifting display. The women were in low-necked, full-skirted gowns – some as gold as the sun, some as silver as the moon, some as pearly as the starlight – and the men were in tight-fitting suits in just as many hues. Everybody wore sparkling, vibrantly-coloured masks – some festooned with ribbons, some adorned with bullion. There were some blown of multicoloured glass, and others woven of silk. There were masks with long beaks, and masks with grinning faces, and masks with words in ancient languages etched into them like prayers.

In the middle of the dreamlike dance, Edward Elric stood, unwilling to admit he was afraid, but equally unwilling to turn and run. He didn’t like being unable to see anybody’s face. _Anybody_ could be here.

He adjusted the simple red masquerade mask he wore, tying the black ribbons more tightly. It only covered half of his face, but Mustang had insisted that he at least let his hair loose – “it’s no fair if it’s obvious who you are!”

Stupid Bastard.

The music was too loud as well. It was fast-paced, echoing through the banquet hall filled with dancers. All in all, the entire business was giving him a headache.

“Well, hello, there.” The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place it. Swivelling around, he came face-to-face with a masked man, slim in a black drainpipe suit and with a cascade of long, black hair rippling over his shoulders. His mask was just as dark, with purple piping around the edges and eyeholes that brought the shocking violet colour of his irises. “Care for a dance?”

Ed snorted. “I don’t dance.”

“Oh? Why are you here, then?” There was a hint of mockery in the stranger’s voice, and Ed made a fist in his pocket. “Come on. Standing here all alone can’t be any fun.”

The asshole was _right,_ admitted Ed, although only to himself. “Fine. But I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“That’s perfectly alright.” The voice was painfully familiar – that slightly mocking tone, the feminine pitch – but Ed couldn’t quite place it. “Nobody will know,” he added, laughing at his own little joke.

The stranger took Ed’s hand in his own, and Ed stiffened, wondering if he would notice the automail. However, he didn’t seem to notice, or care, merely guiding Ed’s other hand to his waist. It was thin and bony, but with a curve to it. His hand fit like…well, a glove.

“Gently goes…there. Let me lead you.” The stranger’s voice was kind of like a snake, decided Edward, although not necessarily a poisonous one. It had the same slithering sound, smooth and slippery.

He stumbled, and stammered an apology, much to the stranger’s delight.

“Here, like _this._ ” After a moment, it clicked in Ed’s mind – the pattern of interlacing feet, matching with the music. It made _perfect_ sense.

Once he saw it that way, he had no problem with it.

“There we go. Got the basics now, love?” The way the stranger whispered the epithet sounded like he was used to saying something quite different.

“Yeah, figured it out.”

“Then let’s speed it up a bit.” Suddenly they were going faster and faster, circling around at the same dizzying pace as the rest of the dancers.

“I’m gonna trip if we keep doing this –“

“No, you won’t,” murmured the stranger, thin lips curving upwards. “Unless your leg malfunctions, but I doubt that’ll happen.”

Ed didn’t miss a beat in the dance, but he frowned under his mask. “How’d you know about my leg?”

The stranger’s face told Ed that he’d revealed a little too much.

“Who are you?”

“If I told you, that’d ruin all the fun!” The indignance was _definitely_ familiar, but Ed couldn’t quite figure out who it was behind that mask.

The music came to an end in a great flourish of strings, and the two of them slowed and came to a stop. Ed lunged for the mask, but the stranger ducked away in a fluid, boneless motion.

“Ah, ah. Don’t ruin my night.”

“Dammit, I deserve to know who I just danced with!”

The stranger shrugged with a chuckle. “You really _haven’t_ been to a masquerade before, have you?” He turned and walked away, whistling something merrily with his hands in his pockets.

“Bastard,” hissed Ed, glad the mask was hiding his flush. Then he noticed something odd – when the light caught the stranger’s hair a certain way, it seemed less black and more of a dark-green hue.

And suddenly it all made sense – although now, he rather wished it didn’t.


	48. Drumming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Individual Chapter Tags: Ed/Envy Friends, Brotherhood Canon, Oneshot, Minor Ableist Language, Implied Alcohol

 

Ed asked around. He used every connection he had, and didn’t mention the (possible) name of the stranger – just the things he’d noticed, the things he wished he hadn’t noticed.

And finally, he was given a location.

The sound of drumming helped him find his way through the maze of alleys. This part of Central was a mess, a dip in the eastern part of the city where the smashed-glass skyscrapers stayed the same height but the ground got lower and lower. The towers became mighty, then godlike, then incomprehensible the lower into this part of the city he got.

And there, in the central, was the Lumiére.

That was just one of its many names, of course. It was where the Roma and the Ishbalans and the Xingese refugees and anyone with music to make and mouths to feed came to dance and sing…and drum.

Sitting by the fire in the centre, watching the drummers, was Envy. Ed sat down next to him, not saying anything but staring into the fire.

Finally, after he couldn’t stand it any longer, he asked. “Why were you there?”

“Why was I where, pipsqueak?” Envy took a swig from the bottle he held.

Ed didn’t bother getting mad. “Oh, drop it. Just…look, I’m not gonna be stupid, okay?”

“That’s a tall order.”

He managed to rein himself in before the rant made it past his lips. “I just want to know.”

“I told you, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Envy, you’re a dumbass. You can _shapeshift._ Yet you showed up to a masquerade with green hair.” Ed leant back on his elbows. “You know what I think.”

Envy grunted. “What?” He took another drink.

“You wanted me to know who you were.”

Envy choked on his drink and spluttered it out, then began to laugh. “Man, you sure think highly of yourself! What, you really think I thought that far ahead? You humans are so self-centered!”

Ed raised an eyebrow, smirking.

The homunculus scowled. “Aw, screw you.” He lay back on the ground next to Ed.

“So really, what’s going on here? This a trap or something?”

Envy chuckled darkly, and Ed wondered if he should get up and run yet – then Envy shoved the bottle at Ed’s chest. “Drink up, shut up and enjoy the music…love.”  


End file.
